Saturday, December 31, 2011

Home Projects - Baby Edition

Now that we have decided to stay in this house for the next four years and we have a baby on the way, we have more home projects to complete. We will do some of these and my co-worker will help with the others. {I work in construction} I always love following home projects on the blogs I read, so I thought I would share for anyone interested.

Nursery
  1. Remove current items in room
  2. Deep clean the room {it's currently a dog room}
  3. Remove existing ceiling fan & replace with new
  4. Remove dog door and patch opening
  5. Paint
  6. Curtains for window {& new ones for the closet}
  7. Hang shelves & artwork
  8. Furniture - crib, dresser, glider, lamps, rug, etc.
Backyard
  1. New A/C unit!
  2. Move dog potty area {gravel} to dirt patch on other side of the house - We obviously don't want those smells wafting through the window into the nursery.  
  3. Extend sprinklers and lay sod in the old dog potty area
  4. Remove dog fencing
  5. Transplant tree to provide shade to the outside wall of the nursery
Entire House
  1. Replace can light connectors. Our current ones are constantly going out.
  2. Rugs
  3. New flooring in living room, kitchen & hallways. Bedrooms & bathrooms already have travertine tile from our original remodel 5 years ago. We would love dark wood floors, but it will depend on the cost.
  4. "Spring Cleaning" - throw away/donate/garage sale items we no longer need and organize storage bins & storage areas in the garage
Kitchen
  1. Finish tile countertops
  2. Install trim at base of cabinets
  3. Stove hood
  4. Hang shelving
Bathrooms
  1. New door for master bathroom. Currently it opens into the room and causes problems when Apollo sleeps right outside the door. We need a pocket door or sliding barn type of door.
  2. Install bathroom fans   
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Some before photos, because everyone loves photos :)

Future nursery, from outside in the dog run

 that dirt patch under the hammock will be the new dog potty area

the dog room & future nursery. don't laugh, it needs a lot of work!



Tuesday, December 27, 2011

9 weeks

 Our little Sour Patch Kid, standing on it's head :)
I was joking that I am turning baby into one because I eat them constantly to relieve the nausea.

How far along: 9w1d
Total weight gain/loss: None
How big is Baby: Baby is the size of a grape. {25.3mm}

Maternity Clothes: I look pretty fat in most of my shirts. I wear the same two pairs of jeans every week. One pair I use a rubber band on the button and the other pair are bigger jeans that should last me several more weeks. My sweet Mom gave me a gift card to Motherhood Maternity for Christmas, so I am ready when I need to buy new clothes.
Sleep: I am sleeping well. I typically fall asleep on the couch every day between 7pm and 8pm.
Movement: Not yet. I can't wait!
Food cravings: I can only eat a select few things: Sour Patch Kids, smoothies, waffles, peanut butter & honey sandwiches, tortilla chips and bean & cheese burritos.
Food aversions: Meat and vegetables
Gender: We want to do an elective gender scan. Most places do them between 15 and 16 weeks {early to mid February}. We are so excited to find out!
Symptoms: Nausea. I am gagging & dry heaving all the time, especially in the evenings. Fatigue. Emotional.
Best moment this week: Telling everyone on Christmas! No more secrets :)
What I am looking forward to: My first OB appointment on Friday!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Our Big Reveal

We told the world yesterday! The response we received was amazing :)

This is what we posted:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFKUm0JlVVc

xoxo,
Megan

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Happy Holidays!

 

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!
I know this time of year can be difficult with IF. I am thinking of you all.
xoxo,
Megan

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Surprise!

We surprised my Grandma {my Mom's Mom} this past weekend at her ranch. I had a custom onesie made that said "I love my Great Grandma" with a picture of a sheep, her favorite animal. I wrapped it up as an early Christmas gift. She was suspicious from the get go :) We attempted to catch some great photos and video, but that was a big fail. Oops. We did get a couple good photos:


 You can see her hugging me on the far right :)

 And Apollo too.

She told me that I gave her the best Christmas gift she has ever received. She was so happy. The next morning she told me that she had a dream that my Grandpa was holding a baby. It's evident how much this means to her, especially after losing him in 2010.

xoxo,
Megan

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

8 weeks

Baby was measuring ahead at 8w4d today, and looked so much more like a baby! I can't believe how much baby changes at each ultrasound. We are so in love :)


How far along: 8w1d
Total weight gain/loss: None
How big is Baby: Baby is the size of a raspberry. {19.9mm}
Sleep: I am sleeping really well. I don't even think I move all night. Still having crazy dreams.
Movement: Not yet. I can't wait!
Food cravings: No cravings, just aversions to almost everything, especially meat. I am living off of smoothies, E.ggo waffles and tortilla chips.
Gender: We have a while before we will know. We still need to figure out our favorite boy names.
Symptoms: Nausea. Fatigue. Emotional. Acne.
Best moment this week: Surprising my Grandmother this past weekend. She was beyond happy! I have a separate post for that.

Nick and I are more than ready to tell everyone the news. We are tired of hiding it from people. I realized this weekend that we openly shared our Infertility struggles with everyone, so why should we wait any longer to "tell the world." We are doing something fun to announce. Hopefully it will be ready on Friday so we can share this Christmas weekend. I am so excited to not have a secret any longer! :)

xoxo,
Megan

Friday, December 16, 2011

Overwhelming Emotions

The nausea is getting worse and worse. It's constant, from when I wake up until I fall asleep. Nick and I take it as a good sign, that baby B is healthy {and sucking the life out of me hahaha} I try not to complain about how I am feeling, but nausea sucks no matter what your journey was to get pregnant. It's really tough to make it through a day at work.

I was driving into work today, about to throw up, and realized how much this feeling is totally and completely worth it. I have never felt this kind of joy and excitement. I have been happy about things in my life many times before, but this feeling is different. It's overwhelming. I have been smiling like a fool all week :) I am so looking forward to every single step of this new journey we are on. I can still barely believe this is happening for us.

I am going to be a Mom. Wow.

xoxo,
Megan

Monday, December 12, 2011

7 weeks - We saw the heartbeat today!!!!

We took a photo of the screen for a little better view of baby. Next week we can start bringing in a DVD to record the ultrasound :)


How far along: 7 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: None
How big is Baby: Baby is the size of a blueberry.
Sleep: I am sleeping well, but I am starting to wake up in the middle of the night to pee.
Movement: Not yet. I can't wait!
Food cravings: Nothing, now that I am feeling nauseous. The nausea is worse when I am hungry, so I have to force myself to eat anything I can stomach. My "favorites" right now are cereal, smoothies and bread.
Gender: We have a while before we will know. We have been discussing names though. We have two girl names picked out, but we're not 100% sure on the boy name.
Symptoms: Nausea. Headaches. Fatigue. Mood swings. Acne - it's bad :(
Best moment this week: Seeing that little heartbeat flickering on the ultrasound today was most definitely the best moment this week, if not the most amazing moment of my life. Nick and I feel so much more confident about this pregnancy now. I can't stop smiling!

We decided to start telling close friends. This weekend we are going to see my Grandma, Aunt and cousins. I am so excited to surprise them with this news!!

xoxo,
Megan
  

Friday, December 9, 2011

IF: Always a part of us

Nick and I talk on gchat while at work. Yesterday he sent me a message that said "I have some news. Are you sitting down?" Of course I panicked. I frantically asked him what happened. He told me that a good friend of ours' new girlfriend is pregnant.

Our friend has never been married, he is almost 40 and he has never really wanted children. He was with a girl for 15 years and they never married or had kids. He has been dating this girl for just a few months. We have met her once. Let's just say she is not the brightest crayon in the box. She already has a one year old child, who was also an accidental pregnancy, with another guy. She had an IUD in this time. There's something around a 0.8% chance of getting pregnant with an IUD. They have only had sex just a handful of times, because she had "intimacy issues" since her first accidental pregnancy.

Our initial reaction is shock. Holy crap, he's going to have a baby?!?! Weird. Next is that awful, shitty feeling: how does that happen when others of us who are ready for children have to wait years, inject ourselves with meds that make us feel like crap, and spend nearly $7,000 in treatments just to have our chance at being parents? That's when I realized that, no matter if I am pregnant or not, our IF journey will always be with us. I am sure the pain and frustration will dissipate with time, but we won't ever forget what we went through to get here.

xoxo,
Megan

Music Friday - Freestylers


Cracks by Freestylers (ft. Belle Humble) (Flux Pavilion Remix)


xoxo,
Megan

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Our Home Situation

We have been in our current home for five years. We moved in at the end of 2006 after we remodeled. We have always said that, at the most, we would live at this house until our children started school. Our neighborhood is on the border of a very nice area and a pretty crappy one. We would never put our children in the schools.

We live here because this house was given to us by my in-laws after we put in all of the labor to remodel it ourselves. We do pay them some money for living there as well. We are extremely grateful to have a house of our own and no mortgage. When we sell this house, we will use most of the money as a down payment on our next home and likely pay out Nick's parents so we can stop paying them a monthly payment. It's not just the area that bothers us. It's that our house is just barely 1,300 sq ft. More so than that, our master bedroom is literally the smallest bedroom I have ever seen. It gets frustrating when Apollo's bed takes up the tiny bit of floor space left. This is looking way down the road, but if we have a 2nd baby before we move, it's going to be a tight squeeze.

We were planning to move this upcoming summer because, on paper, we would have owned the house for two years in June. Any sooner, and we would have had to pay capital gains taxes. However, we have now decided to stay longer ::cringe:: There are several reasons and we know that waiting will be best, as hard as it is. 2016 is the absolute latest we will live here. Baby B will be 3 1/2 years old at that point.

We have nearly four years to finish everything on this house, pay off all debts and build up a nice savings account. Gotta look at the bright side of things! We definitely want to try and get everything finished up before baby arrives. The first two things on the home list for me: the nursery {which is currently Apollo's room} and a new A/C unit. I will be 9 months pregnant in the dead of summer. A/C has become a priority :)

xoxo,
Megan

Monday, December 5, 2011

6 weeks

The gestational sac is much bigger now, and the arrow is pointing at the rings of the yolk sac. The doctor told me that we should see the heartbeat next week. So excited for that!

How far along: 6 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: None
How big is Baby: Baby is the size of a lentil bean.
Sleep: I am back to sleeping through the night, but now I'm having really crazy dreams.
Movement: Not yet.
Food cravings: Nothing very specific now that I am feeling nauseous after meals.
Gender: We have a while before we will know.
Symptoms: Fatigue. Acne. Mood swings. Not only are the "ladies" super tender, but I have grown one bra cup size already! Certain smells are making me gag now, and I am beginning to have waves of nausea after meals, especially in the evenings.
Best moment this week: Seeing baby again at today's ultrasound, this time with Nick by my side :)

Nick was out of town for work most of the week. Apollo and I went for a nice walk on Friday. Saturday morning my Mom and sister picked me up for a day of shopping. We haven't done that in forever. I sure needed it! 

I am starting to feel, uh, weird I guess? That's the only word I can think of to describe it. My emotions have been all over the place. One minute I am super happy and the next minute I am crying. I was really spacey during the first half of our shopping trip. Then my Mom walked away while I was telling a story and I started crying LOL. I was shocked at my own reaction, but I couldn't really help it. I guess it's to be expected with all of these hormonal changes. People aren't exaggerating when they talk about crazy pregnant women, huh?! ;)

xoxo,
Megan

Friday, December 2, 2011

Music Friday - Florence and The Machine

I am loving her new album!
This song I especially enjoy because of the lyrics. I think it speaks to anyone struggling, whether it's IF or just a rocky time in your life.

Shake it Out by Florence and The Machine

Happy Friday readers!
xoxo,
Megan

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Life after our BFP

Time feels like it's slowing down, even though my job is crazy. I can't wait to see Baby B again! Monday is our next ultrasound, at 6 weeks. We may or may not be able to see a heartbeat then. I think seeing that will help ease my worry. I am feeling cramps randomly throughout the day and I always think the worst. Stupid IF. I don't think I will ever be able to completely stop worrying.

Nick created a G.mail account for baby. It's essentially a digital baby book. Pretty cool. Grandma and Grandpa have already sent emails. I was very emotional reading what they wrote. This baby will be loved beyond measure. My Dad has had a tough time lately and it's been hard to know how to help him. We have had some rough patches in our relationship. At Thanksgiving, I could tell that he was excited about this baby. I sent him the first ultrasound photo and shortly after he sent me a text that he loves me and is so happy. It warmed my heart to know it is giving him something to be excited about.

I bought several onesies - a long time ago - that I was originally going to use to announce and then that idea flew out the door when I saw those two lines for the first time, ha! However, we do get to surprise my Grandma, aunt and two cousins. There is a Christmas block party being hosted at their ranch in a few weeks, and Nick and I are going. We are bringing the "I love my Great Grandma" onesie and will hand it to her, with cameras ready. We want to get the reaction caught on film :) It will be her first great grandchild and will hopefully bring joy to the family following my Grandpa's sudden passing a year and a half ago. It makes me very sad that this baby won't ever meet him. I will make sure they know him. He was an amazing man.

When I picked up my new prenatals, I just had to browse the baby section. I found a cute gender neutral pack of onesies and I had to buy it. They are for our baby. I can't believe I can say that. After all the struggle, tears, worries, and huge doubts, we finally have our baby. I can't believe a little human is growing inside of me right now!!! Ahhhhh! I have never felt so much joy as I do right now. We still have lots of friends to tell and extended family too, so I have to contain my excitement.

Sending good thoughts to those cycling or in the two week wait. I am always thinking of you.

xoxo,
Megan

Monday, November 28, 2011

5 weeks

Our first glimpse at baby. Apparently we look like a black dot at 5 weeks :)


How far along: 5 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: None
How big is Baby: Baby is the size of a sesame seed.
Sleep: I used to sleep a solid 8 hours every night. Not so much now. I wake up 3 to 4 times feeling uncomfortable.
Movement: Not yet.
Food cravings: All I want is red meat.
Gender: We have a while before we will know.
Symptoms: Very sore boobs. Fatigue. Frequent bathroom trips. I went on a little hike the other day and almost peed my pants.
Best moment this week: Sharing the news with our immediate families and each of our best friends :)


xoxo,
Megan

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Music Friday {a day late} - Florence and The Machine

My bestest friend told me that she thought of me when she heard this song.
This is for you Brooke <3

All This and Heaven Too by Florence and The Machine

xoxo,
Megan

Friday, November 25, 2011

Beta #3

Today's level was 822. My RE wants one more beta on Sunday. It seems like most other office's just do two or three, so of course I worry when they want me to do four. The nurse said they will schedule the first ultrasound for Monday. Nick and I are very excited for that!

xoxo,
Megan

Thursday, November 24, 2011

So much to be thankful for.

Today I am thankful for my husband, both of our families, our amazing friends, our house, the delicious food we are going to eat today, all of my e-friends and our little poppy seed, baby B. My thoughts are with everyone that is still struggling. I never stop rooting for you.

xoxo,
Megan

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Beta #2

Beta #2 was 301. They just want to see it double, so this is great news. Beta #3 will be Friday, and the nurse said they usually do the first ultrasound a week from my first beta. This is still so surreal.

I had my favorite nurse again today. She is the absolute best at drawing blood. She gave me a packet with commonly asked questions about the first trimester. I will stay with my RE until 12 weeks, and will have weekly ultrasounds and blood work. I had no idea I would be in that often! They said we can bring a DVD+RW to record the ultrasounds too. How cool.

I also had a very pleasant surprise when I was checking out. I pulled out my Visa to pay for my blood work and she said nope, your insurance pays now. Sweet!!! Kind of annoying that they aren't there when we need help, but whatever. We have racked up almost $7,000 in costs so I was thrilled to hear that, and so was Nick when I told him :)

Thank you all for the comments. They make me smile. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.

xoxo,
Megan

Monday, November 21, 2011

Beta #1

I love my RE office. I had my blood drawn at 7:30am and the nurse called me at 11am with the results. She was so sweet to not keep me waiting all day. I think I am going to take them all some candy and a thank you card.

hCG was 125 and progesterone was 37. Ohmygosh, I am really pregnant. This is really happening.

My Mom gave this to me today. Love.

xoxo,
Megan

Our lives are changed forever

In the best way possible :) I'm pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot believe it. We are both in complete shock.


The short story:
I started testing Friday, November 18th at 11dpo, and I saw a second line for the first time ever. I have been getting positive tests since then. Beta #1 is today.

The long story, of things I don't want to forget about that day:
When I took the first test, I was home alone on a Friday afternoon. I don't know what made me test. I was planning to the next morning, but I just couldn't wait. I quickly looked at the test, didn't see a second line and promptly dumped the pee out of the cup. I looked again and there was something there. I really couldn't believe it. I just stared and then started shaking. I burst into happy tears and called Nick. Of course he couldn't believe it and told me to test ten more times {and I couldn't because I dumped the pee, ha!}. He told me he was heading home from work right away, and asked me to email him a photo of the test. Can you tell how shocked he was too?!

I called all the people I promised I would if this moment ever happened. My Mom was first. I was crying and shaking when I told her. She exclaimed "oh my God" for probably 15 minutes straight :) She was really excited. She told me she would have my Dad call me since he was at work. Then I called my sister. Her and I had just talked hours earlier about when I was going to test and how nervous we were to find out if this worked. I called her while she was trying on clothes. She burst into happy tears right along with me. We both realized that was the only time we can remember crying for something happy. I called my best friend and she text me back that she was working. I told her to just call me when she's off. That freaked her out! She was so worried something was wrong. When she called, I told her the news and we laughed and cried and talked about the future. She kept me on the phone when she told her boyfriend and I heard him cheering in the background, so excited. That moved me to tears. I love those two so much. It's so amazing how wonderful and supportive our family and friends have been. Nick and I called his parents together and they were super excited too, and they rarely get that way. Both his Dad and Mom are planning all kinds of things for this baby already. I feel so filled with love. It's amazing.

I have experienced every emotion these past several days; excitement for what's to come, fear for what I know can still happen, and guilt after telling my IF friends. It's still very early, but I keep telling myself that "today, I am pregnant."

Thank you again to everyone who has been so wonderful and supportive. I love you all.

xoxo,
Megan

Friday, November 18, 2011

Music Friday - LMFAO

I love this song! It always makes me laugh and makes me want to dance :)

Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Anticipation

The anticipation of testing this cycle is killing me! Stupid progesterone makes me feel pregnant. ::sigh:: I want to know and I don't want to know.

To keep myself distracted, I am going shopping for some new clothes today. Tonight we are going to our favorite place, Disneyland, with three other couples who have passes.

Happy weekend everyone :)

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I survived!

The wedding was beautiful and wonderful, and I loved being a part of it :) My progesterone and it's side effects didn't interfere, except a tiny bout of nausea when I was standing up at the altar. I had a mini anxiety attack that I would have to run away to throw up hahaha. I had a lot of fun, I danced with friends and miraculously got Nick on the dance floor with me too :)

We all forgot to take pictures {oops}, so this is it. Thank goodness for professional photographers!

Nick and I

And with my beautiful sister :)

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Preconception Mompetition

Edited for clarification: I don't think any of us are in competition over IF. That's certainly something no one wants to "win." But some of the lines in this video had me laughing so hard!

Hilarious! Enjoy :)


xoxo,
Megan

Monday, November 14, 2011

{Crustless} Pumpkin Cheesecake Bars

I used this recipe from All Recipes.com, but I did not do a crust. I would have but I didn't have any graham crackers in the house and I really wanted to use up the cream cheese I had in the frig. I also made my own whipped cream for a topping. These are really good, really rich and perfect for the Fall season.

Mine is messy because I am impatient and didn't let it cool in the frig for the full 3 hours :)

For the whipped cream: Whip one cup heavy cream. I did 2 cups, but that was way too much! Add 1/4 tsp vanilla. Add sifted powdered sugar until desired sweetness.

Okay, time to start focusing my "new recipe thing" on healthy dinners. The weight is creeping back on and I must stop it before I have a repeat of last year :|

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Cream Cheese & Herb Stuffed Chicken

I used this recipe, but I used chicken breast tenders because that's what I had. I used Panko bread crumbs and for the herbs I chopped fresh sage from our garden. I served with a side of rice. It was delicious.


I have some fun recipes planned this week too :)

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Progesterone

Wow, this stuff sucks! I haven't ever been on it because my levels were always fine. I guess my RE orders them regardless for injects cycles.

It's not just the gross leakage from the suppository. It's the nausea, the frequent urination, super sore boobs, and the insomnia. Yesterday I had a lunch meeting at a Mexican food place and I ordered the fish tacos. I always eat fish tacos, and I'm not a picky eater. I took one bite and almost threw up. I had to apologize and ask for chicken tacos instead. I felt so bad. I always sleep a solid 8 hours. Not anymore. I am up to pee from 2am to 3am, and the other morning I woke up a few hours early to a painful pit in my stomach.

It sounds like they are preparing me for pregnancy, huh?! Of course I won't be annoyed when they are real symptoms. I know this is just a little bump in the road. One of my best friends is getting married this Friday, and I am in the wedding. I am so excited. Hopefully I make it through the night!

xoxo,
Megan

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Avalanche Bars & Campfire Stew

Dessert first. Typical of me :)

Avalanche Bars

I found a picture of these delicious treats on Pinterest, which linked me to Cookies and Cups' recipe. They were super easy and quick to make. And really delicious! I have a feeling they will be gone by tomorrow hehehe.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Switching to dinner... it's not a new recipe to me, but I thought I would share with everyone. This is my Mom's Campfire Stew. It's super easy to make, which is perfect for a cooking newb like me.


Campfire Stew- serving size: 1
1 carrot
1 potato
1/2 lb. ground beef
Sliver of butter
Salt & Pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350. Chop carrot and peeled potato. Place in the center of a sheet of tin foil. Add 1/2 lb beef. Season with salt, pepper and a sliver of butter. Wrap tin foil and seal the ends. Place on a baking sheet and bake for 1 hour. Enjoy!

xoxo,
Megan

Monday, November 7, 2011

Come on, number four!

IUI #4 is officially done. Thank goodness for that! I am still very sore from all those follies. I have never been so uncomfortable. I really hope this works. Nick and I did decide that if it doesn't, we will talk to Dr. A about doing one more injects cycle in December. It makes sense since we have lots of Follistim leftover and we won't do IVF until we have the new insurance in January. We'll see if Dr. A agrees, if we get to that point ;)

xoxo,
Megan

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Trying New Recipes

Time to switch topics to food. I love food, as I have mentioned many times, and we love to try new things. I am making a serious effort to start cooking more. I enjoy it, it saves money and keeps us healthy. To encourage that habit, I am going to set a goal to try one to two new recipes each week. Sharing here keeps me accountable. I have a few meals and desserts that I know well and make often, but I want to expand my skills :)

I started today with Crock Pot Turkey White Bean Pumpkin Chili. We received a slow cooker as a wedding gift and we've never used it, until today. I got the recipe from Skinnytaste. We served ours with a dollop of light sour cream, sprinkled with cheese and with a side of low fat blue corn tortilla chips from Trader Joes. It was delicious!



xoxo,
Megan

Saturday, November 5, 2011

CD10 Update

I was so nervous this morning, but I didn't get canceled!!!! I am so relieved! I love my nurses. They were so sweet to me while I was stressing out before the ultrasound. They called Dr. A to get confirmation and he remembered me. He said to go ahead and trigger me, but to use 1mg of Lupron instead of my usual Novarel so only one or two of the follicles will ovulate. I had four on the right: one at 24mm, two at 19mm and one at 18mm. I had three on the left: one at 19mm and two at 18mm. My lining was 10.1mm.

IUI #4 is scheduled for tomorrow, and probably another on Monday.

xoxo,
Megan

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Darn Follies

Oh man. Dr. A just called and told me to lower my Follistim dose to 50 IU for today and tomorrow. My E2 level was 407. He said if there is more than two or three follies that he thinks will ovulate, then we would have to cancel. I am so incredibly upset at the thought of cancelling. I am trying not to freak out since we don't know yet, but gosh, my anxiety is through the roof. What a horrible feeling of wasted time, wasted injections, and thousands of wasted dollars.

Dear Follies, please don't screw this up. Thanks.

xoxo,
Megan

CD8 Update

I am really feeling these follies now! I had to ask for a print out of the measurements today because I couldn't remember them all LOL. On the right I have one 19mm, two 17mm and one 14 mm. On the left, I have two 17mm and one 16mm. My doctors don't seem concerned, so I am trying not to worry. My lining looked great at 8.8mm. I am scheduled to go back on Saturday. I am assuming I will be triggering then. Oh, and yesterday's E2 level was 200. There is some explanation of the E2 levels here, but basically you want to see 200 - 600 per mature follicle {18mm is considered mature} I will update with today's level this afternoon.

Thank you all for cheering us on. It means so much.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." Leo Buscaglia

xoxo,
Megan

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

CD6 Update

Well, I am responding to the Follistim. After three days of 100 IU, I had around 6 measurable follies. One at 14mm and the others between 11 and 13mm. Dr. A lowered my dose to 75 IU and I go back on Thursday for monitoring. He said "you are responding really well, almost too well." I told him that kind of freaked me out, but he said he isn't worried. I am just scared of getting cancelled. He didn't give me my Estradiol (E2) level and I forgot to ask.

I will probably be updating here more frequently with this cycle. Sorry if I bore you with all the deets :) I just want to keep track of everything and blogging is the easiest way. I also set up a separate page with our detailed treatment history, including all costs. I can't wait for our new insurance in January! {of course I hope we won't need the IF coverage, but at least we know it's available}

xoxo,
Megan

Monday, October 31, 2011

Names

Now that we are out of the Infertility closet, I figured it was time to use our real names on the blog. I was using Mr. and Mrs. B because we call each other "B" on a regular basis, hence the blog title "Hoping for Baby B." Anyways, no point in being anonymous now. I am Megan and my husband is Nick {it's also on his birthday cake} :)

Easy peasy!

I started the Follistim injections on Saturday night. It was much easier than I anticipated. I am using a Follistim Pen, so it's pretty fool proof. My antral follicle count was 14. I started with 100 IU per day, for three days. I go back to the RE tomorrow for an ultrasound and blood work to see how I am responding and then go from there.

This past weekend was fun. I finally, after 12 years, surprised Mr. B :) I couldn't believe it, but it worked. He had a great party with all of our friends and some family, and more gifts than he has ever received. He said it was the best birthday he has ever had ::blushing::

The Cake, with Apollo and his two favorite toys.

 
Now if I can just give him the best gift of all, to be a Father, before he is 31.

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Friday, October 28, 2011

Happy Birthday, My Love

Mr. B turns the big Three Zero tomorrow! I have plans to spoil him all weekend :) Tonight it's just the two of us. We are going to a delicious tapas restaurant in Long Beach. Saturday we are going to my parent's for a family celebration (minus his parent's, as they are out of town) Sunday I have a surprise planned. He reads this, so I can't share the deets yet :)

I love this silly guy so much!



xoxo,
Mrs. B

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Our last IUI

Aunt Flow showed up today, so it's on to cycle 19 and our last IUI. That's a scary thought.

I called Dr. A's office and the nurse went over my medications and costs. She ordered me Follistim, the Novarel trigger and progesterone suppositories. Just the medications alone are $1,009. Yikes. I go in Saturday morning for my baseline ultrasound and to go over my medications, then again on Tuesday to see how I am responding. From there, they will see me for a monitoring ultrasound and estrogen blood work {approximately} every other day until I am ready to trigger. The frequency of the monitoring will depend on how I respond.

I really hope this works, more than ever before.

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Friday, October 21, 2011

I am off to San Diego!

... for a bachelorette party weekend! It's for one of my close friends that is getting married in November. Another busy weekend to keep my mind off of IF, and one last time to enjoy some drinks before I start my next cycle.

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Infertility Friends

I was reading an article about pregnancy between Infertility friends on Resolve's website. This paragraph summed up how it feels to experience Infertility:

"The experience of infertility plunges people into contact with the outermost reaches of their humanity. Infertility is a profound crisis that threatens identity, relationships, and continuity. It threatens one’s sense of the world, it disturbs beliefs and assumptions, and it belies safety and security. It is an emergency that uses up coping skills, and depletes resources; people start to run on empty as their chronic stress levels move into the area of trauma. Infertility can shut people down emotionally, it necessarily limits and narrows; people are functioning in “emergency mode,” a black and white vantage point that oversimplifies for the purpose of survival. This is not the best place to understand the complexities of human interactions, or the perspective of the “other;” this is a time to survive, and everything else may feel inessential, a luxury."  Anne F. MalavĂ©, PhD

Speaking of this article, I have several e-friends who have Infertility. Some of them are pregnant and some of them are still cycling. I am truly so happy when they get pregnant, and I stay in touch and read their blogs and share in their joy. Isn't that the point of this journey?! For us all to be Moms? I hope all of you know that <3

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

{Hopefully} exciting news!

As I am sure you all know, we are 100% OOP {out-of-pocket} for Infertility treatments right now. Mr. B just received his insurance renewal information and the PPO plan they offer has $10K worth of Infertility coverage! My boss is nice enough to pay me what he covered for my company insurance plan so this PPO won't cost us anything. It will take effect 1/1/12. We will still do the injects cycle once AF arrives, but if it does not work, we will wait until next year to start IVF.

I sure hope it's as good as it sounds. I am always skeptical of insurance because they seem to find a way to get around covering things. Hopefully I will be pleasantly surprised.

It's always nice to have a bit of good news during crappy times :)

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Monday, October 17, 2011

Weekend Recap

We were busy! I can honestly say that I didn't feel upset about IF all weekend.

First, we did dinner & a movie with two other couples on Friday night. We saw 50/50. Loved it. I laughed and cried. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is amazing.


Also, I am uber excited about War Horse. It comes out on Christmas Day. 


Saturday we had two birthday parties - one for Sydney's 1st and one for my BFF. I made pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting for my best friend's party. They were A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! Which is exactly what she deserves. I love you, B.Y. :)


Sunday we woke up early and drove down to Temecula for a horseback ride, lunch and wine tasting. My love gave this day trip to me for Christmas and we finally used it. It felt great to be on a horse again. It really made me want to schedule some jumping lessons while I can still ride. We had so much fun <3





xoxo,
Mrs. B

Sunday, October 16, 2011

None in the Oven

Mr. B and I love this new web series. It's so accurate and hilarious. None in the Oven. Enjoy!

Episode 1 - "Advice"

Episode 2 - "Coffee"

The Ultimate Compliment

While visiting our friends and their two kids in Florida, the Mr.'s best friend nudged his wife and said "ask them." Then he turned to us and said "she wants to ask you two something." She told us that they would be writing their will soon and want to list us as the children's guardians should something happen to both of them. Wow. Out of everyone they know, they chose us. We said yes. She said that they felt we are the best fit. Of course we hope nothing ever happens to either of them, but what a huge compliment.

I love these kiddos so much.



xoxo,
Mrs. B

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I am so sad

I haven't felt this down in a long time. I was reading a few birth stories on The Bump boards and unexpectedly I felt so sad. I thought about what it would be like to have a baby. I pictured Mr. B by my side and my Mom snapping a thousand photos of the new baby. And I just started crying in my office. It's so frustrating to want something so badly and every attempt fails. I feel like life is slapping me in the face every time. 

This is so fucking hard.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

We made it to Florida!

We are having so much fun already and it's our first day here :) I am so happy we took this break from work and treatments. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Cheers!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

IUI #3....

... is just as expected, a BFN today at 15dpiui.


We leave on vacation this Saturday and I am so excited! We will be spending a week with friends and their two toddlers in Florida. Because of this vacation, we will be on a treatment break. At first, I was really bummed about having to take a break. Not today! {or at least, not for this moment hehe} I was looking through our calendar for October and we have lots to keep us busy.

Why I am going to enjoy this break....
  1. I can enjoy some drinks on our vacation.
  2. I don't have to cancel our wine tasting/horseback riding day trip.
  3. I can enjoy drinks on my friend's bachelorette trip. 
  4. I can mountain bike all month long.
  5. I can horseback ride again. I miss it so much.
  6. I can lose more weight. I am loving my P90X.
  7. Lots of sushi :)
  8. We can pay an extra $1,000 towards bills instead of treatments.
  9. The Mr. and I, for the first time in 18 months, don't have to worry or stress over a cycle.
  10. No doctor appointments, no injections, no procedures, no blood draws. Ahhhhhhhhh.
xoxo,
Mrs. B

Monday, September 26, 2011

My random thoughts on Infertility.

Infertility is one of those journeys that a person cannot fully understand until they have gone through it themselves. It's weird that way. What I hope for is that my family and friends realize that and understand that all we want is for them to be there for us when we need them. Thankfully, they have been wonderful. There are a few exceptions, but that's to be expected.

I think back now to times when I was younger and naive, and didn't understand what I do now. See, my Mom's sister was never able to have children. I don't know all the details, but from what I understand now, she had premature ovarian failure. Back then, I understood she couldn't have a baby and that saddened me, but I didn't truly understand until now. Now that it's happening to us, my heart hurts for her. It was part of the reason her marriage ended. My uncle wanted his own children, and when he re-married, he had them. My aunt is still single and going through more struggles than just Infertility, many of which likely resulted from that awful journey.

One of my cousins was trying to have a baby with his then fiance. They had several early miscarriages and finally a still born daughter. I was devastated for them. I couldn't imagine the kind of pain they must have been going through. Their relationship also ended and he married someone else & has a new baby girl.

It's terrifying to know how hard Infertility can be on a relationship. I am thankful that, for now, it has brought Mr. B and I closer. I can now understand some of what my aunt, uncle & cousins must have felt. Alone. Sad. Frustrated. Defeated. Broken. I am feeling especially broken these days because it is becoming clear that there must be something wrong with my eggs or my uterus. Why is my body failing me?

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." Arthur Golden

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Tallying up the costs. Fun.

I can't believe how much we have spent so far! It sucks being 100% OOP for treatments. Not even blood work or ultrasounds are covered. Ugh.


Diagnostic Costs

$350 for sperm penetration test, aka “Hamster Test”
$315 for my HSG



Total = $665



IUI #1 Costs 

$260 for IUI 1.1 on 7/14/11

$260 for IUI 1.2 on 7/15/11

$110 for CD4 u/s

$110 for CD12 u/s

$110 for CD13 u/s + $20 for giving me the shot
$88 for hCG trigger shot
$10 for Clomid

$71 for progesterone blood draw

$136 for pregnancy + progesterone blood draw BFN on HPT

Total = $1,039





IUI#2 Costs

$260 for IUI 1.1 on 8/12/11

$260 for IUI 1.2 on 8/13/11

$110 for CD3 u/s

$110 for CD12 u/s + $20 for giving me the shot
$78 for hCG trigger shot
$10 for Clomid

$71 for progesterone blood draw

$136 for pregnancy + progesterone blood draw BFN on HPT


Total = $919


IUI#3 Costs

$260 for IUI 1.1 on 9/12/11

$260 for IUI 1.2 on 9/13/11

$110 for CD3 u/s

$110 for CD12 u/s

$110 for CD14 u/s + $20 for giving me the shot
$78 for hCG trigger shot
$10 for Clomid

$71 for progesterone blood draw

$136 for pregnancy + progesterone blood draw



Total = $1,029 (+ $136 if BFP)


Acupuncture Costs

$250 Sep 7th

$100 Sep 15th

$100 Sep 19th



Total = $450



Total Costs, as of 9/20/11 = $4,102

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Is it all worth it?

That's a good question, and a question I often ask myself. I haven't ever doubted that I want to be a Mom, but this journey will mess with you. You actually begin to contemplate how far you will take things before giving up. It's really scary.

There is a blog called So Close about a woman who went through infertility. She also wrote a book about it with the same title. I came across this post and it really touched me. She made it very clear that it was more than worth it. I try to remind myself that all of these appointments, ultrasounds, inseminations, injections, procedures and tears will be worth it in the end. Please let it all be worth it.

"I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday." Author Unknown


xoxo,
Mrs. B

Friday, September 16, 2011

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

EEEE!!! Fall is almost here :)

I love the Fall season more than anything! Pumpkin candles, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin pie, cooler weather, apple-picking, apple cider, apple crisp, Halloween, Thanksgiving... I could go on and on. I am giddy just thinking about it!


For the past three years, my Mom, sister and I have made a day trip to a place called Oak Glen. We pick apples & pumpkins, drink apple cider with doughnuts, and have lunch and apple pie at a local restaurant. It's become our tradition, and we are going next weekend. SO EXCITED!!!



What is your favorite thing about Fall?

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

IUI #3 is done. Yay.

IUI #3 is officially done. No more Clomid, ever again! Wahoo! Yesterday, my one follie was at 25mm and Mr. B's count was 70 million. Today the follie was gone and Mr. B's count was 45 million. The Mr. is certainly pulling his weight :)

Monday's stripey socks
Today's bright orange socks. These ones really caught Dr. A's attention. I told him about our sock exchange and he thought that was pretty cool. On my way out, he said "good luck, and I hope the socks do the trick!" :)

And now we wait.

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Sunday, September 11, 2011

September 11, 2001 - 10 years later

My second cousin once removed {my Mom's second cousin}, Jorg Dubin, was the artist selected to build the 9/11 memorial sculpture in Laguna Beach, CA. It was presented to the public today and of course we were there with the rest of the family, including Jorg's 95 year old father. It consists of two I-beams from the World Trade Center and a mirrored sphere. The idea is that visitors would see themselves in reflection amid the towers. He did an amazing job putting it together.

Semper Momento - 9.11.11

The family.


In other news, I went to the RE this morning and my one, lonely follicle was now 22mm. My lining was good at 8mm. They triggered me and we will have back-to-back IUI's tomorrow and Tuesday. I also have an acupuncture appointment after my IUI. Monday's are crazy at work so tomorrow should be hectic! Not to mention I have strep throat, and these antibiotics are killing my stomach :( Things can only get better from here, right?!?!

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Friday, September 9, 2011

The cherry on top

The Clomid especially sucked this cycle and then I got the cherry on top... I didn't respond well this time :( At today's ultrasound, I had just one 17-18mm follicle. Dr. A said it happens. He told me to come back on Sunday to see if I am ready to trigger. He wants to see it at 20mm or larger. That being said, I don't have any hope for this cycle now.

I asked him what he thought about injects next time and he said that would be his recommendation, and that he is confident I will respond well. Because there is more frequent monitoring with injects, we will likely have to skip October. We will be gone for a week in Florida. It's back to the old-fashioned way of getting pregnant, ha! It will be nice to take a break from all the doctor appointments and hot flashes, but I know I will be anxious for November to get here!

my lucky polka dot socks :)
xoxo,
Mrs. B

Music Friday - Barry Louis Polisar

We played this song at our wedding :) Our families and friends all joined us for a fun dance. 
I will never forget it!

All I Want is You by Barry Louis Polisar

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Thursday, September 8, 2011

I really hate Clomid, and other things on my mind

I am soooooo done with these hot flashes and night sweats!!!!!!! The Clomid side effects stay around for a while after I take my last pill. The only thing that helps is a fan right on my face. And even then, I feel like I am burning up. The temps in the 100's weren't helping either. My sleeping sucks. I wake up freezing, then an hour later I wake up dripping in sweat. Yep, these effing hot flashes happen 24 hours a day! Ugh.

Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling upset about our Infertility because I am alive and healthy. I am very thankful for everything we have, but it still hurts. Then I remembered a fact sheet I read on Resolve's website about Coping with the Stress of Infertility. Research has shown that the stresses and anxiety of Infertility can be the same level as someone with cancer! Wow. I am going to be sure to mention my stress / anxiety to my acupuncturist to see if she can help with that as well. Work has been absolutely nuts and that is definitely not helping.

I think we have decided on our next steps if IUI #3 doesn't work. We are going to try one more IUI, but with injectables. If it works, yay, no IVF. If it doesn't work, we will at least have an idea of how I respond to the injectables. We figured we should try everything we can before IVF. So that's the plan for now :)

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I love acupuncture!


I loved it! It was very relaxing and I felt good after we were done. I also really liked the doctor. She went over my treatment history and asked me questions about my menstrual cycles. Then she had me lay down on my back and she started the acupuncture. She put four needles in my lower belly to encourage blood flow to my uterus. She also put one in my ear, one in the top of my foot and one in my ankle. She turned heat onto the ones in my lower belly. She brushed her hands over the tops of the needles and asked if I could feel them. I could :) I laid down for about 30 minutes.

I am scheduled to go in again on Monday, which should be just after my IUI's. She said to let her know where I am at in my cycle and she will adjust the needle placement accordingly. I am really happy I am doing this alongside my treatments. Western medicine meets Eastern medicine :)

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

My Second Lucky Sock Exchange

We had another sock exchange on the Bump boards and my elf spoiled me rotten!!! She gave me a bunch of colorful, happy socks! I can't wait to wear them for my appointments this week :) She also gave me lotion, nail polish, candy and the sweetest card! It really made my day. Thank you so much, Darlene!!! I am so thankful to have a message board full of women who support each other during this difficult journey. You all rock.

xoxo,
Mrs. B