Wednesday, April 23, 2014


I can't believe it and it still hasn't sunk in. From 19 to 4 to 1. Of the four embryos, only one was genetically normal. Dr. A called me today while I was shopping with my Mom. I was hoping it was him, as Nick and I have been anxiously awaiting this call. My heart sank. Dr. A said he was surprised we only had one. I told him I was too.

He asked if I wanted to know the gender and I said yes, we do. He said it's a girl. I actually smiled when I heard that. A tiny bit of joy in our heartbreak. Please be a feisty girl who is strong and hangs on. We want you to stick around!

I'm waiting for my period to start our FET, but it may be pushed to the following cycle as we are going on vacation next week.

We have one shot. That is the most terrifying thought. Can I do this again? Will that even make a difference in the outcome? I am trying to not think beyond this right now. We will think about that and make those decisions if and when that time comes. Not now. It's too much to handle right now.


Saturday, April 19, 2014


I was anxiously awaiting Dr. A's phone call today with our final number of embryos. It was nearly 3pm and what happens? I walk away from my phone for a second and miss his call. Sigh. 

I quickly listened to the voicemail and he said that four embryos were biopsied and frozen. I was disappointed and a bit surprised. I was hoping for more. I called their office because I wanted to chat with him and they were able to connect me. I felt bad for dialing as "an urgent call" but this call was a big deal for me. I confirmed it was four and that no others made it. I also asked about grading the embryos and he said he doesn't really do that. He waits to see the PGS results and goes from there. We should have those back in 3 to 4 days.

I'll admit, I started crying the moment I hung up. Maybe four is fine. But I was upset and sad for those that didn't make it. I felt our odds continue to drop. For now, we are hoping we have some genetically normal embryos to work with. More waiting for another very important call.

Happy Easter. 


Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Day Three

Dr. A called me this morning with an update on our embryos. Today we have:

Three with 4 cells
Two with 5 cells
Five with 7 cells
Four with 8 cells

This is what an 8 cell embryo looks like:

He said they like to see 6 to 10 cells on day three. That makes me feel somewhat confident in the nine we have at the 7 and 8 cell stage. Fingers crossed that they keep dividing and look good on Friday/Saturday. My clinic waits until day five or six to biopsy and freeze, so I will get a final update on Saturday. We then wait 5 to 6 days for the genetics lab to send results on how many embryos are normal. Waiting, waiting and more waiting. I am getting VERY good at it.

I am feeling much better. Still taking the Cabergoline every night. Still bloated and slightly sore, but oh so happy to be myself again and spending time with my little man. I've been soaking him up every day. He is so happy and giggly, it puts me in the best mood. We are spending a lot of time in our back yard lately. I chase him around and tickle him, he helps me water our new vegetable garden, he brushes Apollo and even runs through the sprinklers. So much joy. The weather has been so great. He went through a little phase of hitting/biting at school, but he is doing so much better now. His language has exploded. He repeats almost everything we say or gives it a really good try. This is a really, really fun age!


Monday, April 14, 2014

Fertilization Report

Of the 19 eggs retrieved, 16 of them were mature and could be fertilized with ICSI. 13 fertilized and 2 are maybe's that they are watching. My doctor said he will call again on Wednesday with the next update. 

Today is the first day I feel like myself after what seems like forever. I stayed home from work and laid around on the couch all day to really give myself time to heal. I am still a bit sore and bloated, but getting better. I am also going to try the Cabergoline pill again tonight and hope it wasn't what made me deathly ill on Saturday. My doctor really wants me to be on it if possible, to avoid OHSS.

Today is also the first time I have been able to see past all the meds, shots, numbers, appointments, the surgery, the worries, all of this tough stuff and actually get a little excited about being pregnant again. I haven't been able to do that at all. I've actually been in quite a slump. So that's good. Plus our big family trip to Hawaii is coming up and it's just perfect timing for me.

I'm hoping the good news continues this week for our embryos. Keep growing, little embies!


Sunday, April 13, 2014


We got 19 eggs. I am having some pain and discomfort right now so trying to stay comfortable. No nausea right now, so that's good. I hope it stays that way because....

Unfortunately I had a day of hell on Saturday. Good grief, what a nightmare. I took my first dose of antibiotics Saturday morning with breakfast. I started to get nauseous and it progressively got worse and worse. By 2:30, I began throwing up and that didn't stop until 9pm. It was awful, awful, awful. I had nothing to throw up halfway through so it was even worse. I was definitely feeling a huge amount of regret over my choice to do IVF. It's been a lot harder on me physically than I expected.

I am thankful that the retrieval is over and that we got 19 eggs, but I could never ever go through this again.

I hope the rest of this process is kinder on me. 


Saturday, April 12, 2014


That was my estrogen number yesterday.  It got way up there, which I hope means we get lots of eggs tomorrow. 

I started Cabergoline last night. It's a once a day pill that helps with the bloat. I just wish it helped with the nausea too. Ugh. It's been horrible these past three days. I feel hungry one minute and then I am gagging from the nausea the next. It seems like dealing with these things while parenting a toddler is especially challenging. 

I went in for my pre-op blood work and appointment this morning. They had me start antibiotics today that I'll take for three days and went over the surgery process. We will arrive tomorrow at 8:15am, drop off Nick's sample and head downstairs to the surgery center. The procedure is about 30 minutes under a light anesthesia and I go home within an hour or two. 

I'll update tomorrow as soon as I feel well enough.

Thank you for all the well wishes. xo

Friday, April 11, 2014

Egg Retrieval is scheduled

Hallelujah. I trigger tonight at 10:30 pm and go in on Sunday for a 9:30 am retrieval.

I am excited and nervous and scared.

IVF Monitoring Appointment #6

I feel so much better in the mornings, but last night I was not a happy camper. I figured out that, even if I feel starving, I cannot each much or I get very nauseous. There is just no room left in my belly for anything. This morning's ultrasound showed my ovaries touching, and they measured 22 follicles...

Right side: 11 follicles - 16, 18, 20, 20, 23, 25, 27, 28, 29, 30, 34
Left side: 11 follicles - 20, 21, 22, 22, 24, 25, 26, 30, 32, 33, 36

I'm waiting, as usual, for the call this afternoon with my E2 level and to find out if I will trigger tonight for a Sunday retrieval. 


Thursday, April 10, 2014

I am shocked!

I thought for sure I would be triggering tonight, but I'm not. My nurse called and said Dr. A wants me to go another day. I think he is trying to kill me, ha! Tonight I will do 150iu Follistim again with the same Menopur and Lupron. My estrogen was 3,567 today.

The good part of this delay is that I can make it to my friend's sons' first birthday party on Saturday! Yay!

I am just sooooo uncomfortable.

IVF Monitoring Appointment #5

I had to take a picture today. That's a still shot of follicles on both of my ovaries. There are a lot more follicles you cannot see in this view, but you get the idea.

I didn't even keep track of the measurements today. There were a bunch and they were all squished in there. I am really uncomfortable now. They drew my blood and will call me this afternoon with those results. That's when I will find out if I trigger tonight for a Saturday retrieval or if I trigger tomorrow night for a Sunday retrieval. I go back regardless tomorrow for blood work; either pre-op b/w or another ultrasound and E2 check.

We are almost there. The fear of the retrieval is shadowed by the great desire I have to get these eggs out!!! I think that's a good thing for my anxiety. My Mom will be on Grayson duty and Nick is going with me to the surgery. Everyone is ready :)

I'll update later when my RE calls.


Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Yay Estrogen!

My doctor just called. My E2 level shot up to 2,636 today! My Follistim dose is lowered for tonight to 150iu, same 75iu Menopur and 10 units Lupron. I'm getting so excited! Go ovaries, go!

IVF Monitoring Appointment #4

This morning was an exciting appointment. We are getting close now! My nurse showed me how to do the hCG shot and said my retrieval will probably be Saturday, maybe Sunday. I had lots of follies in there so I kept track while she read them off. After 9 nights of stims, this is how things looked...

Right side: 9 follicles - 14, 17, 18, 18, 21, 21, 23, 25, 28
Left side: 11 follicles - 16, 17, 17, 18, 18, 19, 20, 24, 26, 26, 32

I am just waiting for my doctor to call me this afternoon with my estrogen level and stim dosage for tonight. My level was only 959 on Monday, so I am hoping it has jumped up quite a bit. I go back in tomorrow morning and should know then if I will trigger tomorrow night or Friday night. My anxiety is through the roof right now. I keep playing out the retrieval procedure in my head, wondering if I will be a mess after the surgery, thinking about how many eggs they will get, how many will fertilize, how many will make it to day 5 or 6, how our PGS results will turn out.... my mind doesn't stop. We are very excited though, for what this all will hopefully bring.


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

A Picture

What would I do without pictures?! They take me back to memories that mean so much to me.

This picture right here is what keeps me going. It's my reminder of why we are fighting so hard to have another baby. It helps me get through the next shot. The next doctor appointment. The fear of my egg retrieval. It's everything, all wrapped into a picture of me with my Grayson, moments after his birth. 

Oh, these hormones. They are messing with me! I am crying and emotional every day. I miss when my little man was tiny, I miss my big pregnant belly. I can't wait to do it all again. Please, please let this IVF work.

Happy Tuesday!


Monday, April 7, 2014

IVF Monitoring Appointment #2 and #3

Saturday morning I went in for an ultrasound and blood work. I had four or so follicles on each side that were 12-16mm.  They looked at my blood work and called me later that day with my dosage. It stayed the same: 250iu Follistim + 75iu Menopur and 10 units Lupron for Saturday and Sunday night. My estrogen was 453. I started to feel bloated on Sunday and today I can really feel it. I picked up some coconut water and Powerade to keep myself hydrated. I also went to Target at lunch and picked up several pairs of black stretchy pants. Ahhhhhh, so much better!

Today's appointment showed a lot more growth. I had six or seven on each side to measure. It seems crazy that I have another week before my retrieval. I can just imagine how uncomfortable I will be by this weekend. Dr. A just called me and lowered my Follistim dose back to 225iu for tonight and tomorrow, same Menopur and Lupron dosage, and I go back in on Wednesday.

I am getting so anxious for the retrieval. One week to go!


Friday, April 4, 2014

Maximum Benefit

So yeah, we hit our lifetime Infertility maximum benefit of $10K. That means we are out of pocket now. Our first four treatment cycles the first time around were 100% OOP. We then switched me onto Nick's insurance and had some IF coverage. It was nice while it lasted, but we ate up a lot of it doing those four IUI's this time around. I can't believe this IVF is my ninth treatment cycle overall.

Dr. A lowered my Lupron dose to 10 units and upped my Follistim to 250iu for last night and tonight. It's funny that this happened because I asked my IVF nurse about lowering the Lupron and she said "oh no, you won't need that lowered. Only when you need some extra "oomph" does he lower the Lupron, and you'll respond well" And then he lowered mine. So of course I worry, because that's what I do best. I trust my doctor so hopefully his adjustments help.

I had to order more Follistim and that's when I found out I had just $600 left of coverage. $1,200 later, I had four more 300iu vials. I hope I won't need any more than that!


Thursday, April 3, 2014

IVF Monitoring Appointment #1

I am feeling pretty worn down. My energy and focus are clouded. I'm sure it's the medications doing this to me. I am fatigued and my appetite varies from voracious to non-existent. It seems to help that I am being very good with my food choices. I have a mild headache all day, which is tolerable for the most part. It feels like the stims are balancing my hormones back out so I'm not feeling as awful as I was. Everything usually begins to overwhelm me at the end of the day; I give Grayson a bath, brush his teeth, read him a story, put him down to sleep, get all of my needles and medications ready, do my injections, get mine and Grayson's lunch ready for the next day and then back upstairs to go to bed. It's somewhere in there that, in my head, I want to give up. I want to stop the medications, forget about doing IVF altogether and....  then I stop myself. What are you talking about, crazy lady?!?! I stop in that moment and remember how much joy G brings to our lives, how we talk about him every night until we fall asleep and then again in the morning as soon as we wake up. We love him so much. We have so much love to give another child. I think of it all and remember that it's worth it. And by morning, I feel better again. I thought my IUI's were roller coasters... IVF is a whole new experience!

Today was my first monitoring appointment. After three nights of 225iu Follistim + 75iu Menopur, my follies were all still 10 and under. The doctor said this is normal at this point. They drew blood to check my estrogen levels and will call me later to give me my dosage for the next two nights. I will be at their office a lot next week! The good thing is that time feels like it's moving fast now.