Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Yesterday was horrible, terrible, worse than I could have ever imagined. I woke up with an ache in my stomach that never left. Our Hudson was being adopted by someone in Kentucky, so the driver picked him up yesterday early to drive him from southern California all the way to his new home. I knew this was the right decision because it was the best one for everyone involved. But it didn't matter yesterday morning. It was still sooooo hard to say goodbye. It ripped my heart into a million pieces. Literally. I sat there with my Mom, sobbing so hard I couldn't breath and started to throw up. It was horrible. I don't even think I can describe the feeling in a blog post. It felt like I just couldn't do it, it was that hard. I wanted to run after the van and pull him out and change my mind about sending him to a new home. But I knew I couldn't. It was done. And I had to go on.

I was a complete mess at work, sobbing every few minutes at my desk. I got home yesterday from work before my husband, which I wasn't hoping for. I went to let my other dog, Apollo, out of his room and I saw Hudson's bowl stand and bed sitting there. And I really lost it. I can't look at pictures. I can't think about any of the wonderful memories. I can barely function. I feel like I am on auto-pilot right now.

I am sorry for the depressing post, but I needed to write these feelings down.

"sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same" - The Fray, All At Once

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