Monday, November 15, 2010

Stuck in a rut

Things are going well in my life right now. I have a wonderful & supportive husband, our house is coming along very nicely, my family is healthy, our fur kids are alive & well and our finances are better than they have ever been. So why am I feeling so down? At lunch with DH & friends yesterday, I had to excuse myself and cry in the bathroom. How pathetic, I know.

It's really two things: the way my body looks and loving who I am. I weigh more than I ever have and cannot stand to look at myself anymore, let alone let my husband see me. I get out of the shower, stand in front of the mirror and cringe. It's not even about a number on the scale, it's about the way I look. I am only around 20 lbs over my normal weight, but it's the way the weight distributes on my body that is so hard. It is 99% in my abdomen. Ugh. And now you can see it in my legs, my arms and definitely in my face. That has hit me the hardest. I want to love my body. I also want to love who I am. My BFF has a great quote on her FB page: "sanity and happiness are an impossible combination" I love this because it's so true. We all have our little bit of crazy :)

As for my body image issues, I really need to have some self-control. Don't pick up the candy at work. Don't drive through a fast food joint for dinner. Remember how much you hate your body before you put anything into your mouth. We are trying to have a baby right now, so extreme dieting and serious exercise aren't the best option, but I am setting short term goals for myself each week. This week my goal is to lower my caloric intake. Regardless of how much exercise I get in, I need to modify my eating habits. They say it's 80% what you eat and 20% exercise. My goals this week:
  • Eat only chicken, lean turkey, fish, egg whites, fruits, veggies, nuts, beans, oatmeal. 
  • No fatty sauces. 
  • Reduce to almost no carbohydrates, sugars, salt and dairy products.
  • Drink at least 3 bottles of water each day. 
  • Exercise 4 times minimum this week, any kind of exercise for 30 minutes
If I can get through a week of this modified diet, with some exercise, then I will set more goals next week.


Mrs. B

p.s. Even though I took a break from temping every morning and I am staying busy with the house & eating/exercise goals, I am still counting down the days till Aunt Flow is due. I only take a HPT if AF doesn't show up and she is always here before 17dpo. I am 7dpo (days past ovulation) today. My test date? Thanksgiving. How appropriate.

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