Decisions, Decisions

IUI #3 is officially underway! I saw Dr. A this morning and my CD3 ultrasound looked good. I was convinced I had cysts with all of the ovary pain I was having, but I didn't. Yay! We are repeating IUI #2's protocol. I am soooo happy this will be my last round of Clomid! It makes me miserable :(

While the u/s tech was doing her thing, I asked Dr. A what he suggests if this cycle doesn't work. The first thing he said was "Don't give up hope, #3 could work!" Even though I don't think it will, it's nice to have that positivity from your doctor. He said we have three options, all of which I already researched: a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis, IUI's with injectable meds or IVF. Mr. B and I have discussed these options already and are leaning towards IVF. There are many reasons. Starting with the laparoscopy: I am absolutely terrified of surgery, plus I feel like it is unnecessary at this point. If we tried IVF and it failed, then I may consider a lap. Next is IUI's with injects: Injectable meds are expensive. Since we have no coverage, I would rather spend that on injects for an IVF cycle. Also, there is a risk for over-stimulating. IVF: the odds are the highest for success. It is the most costly, but seems like a more practical use of our money. Hopefully we won't even need to make this decision, right?

I know that everyone is different and it's ultimately up to us, but I would love to hear how and why you decided on the treatment plan you did, especially if you have an Unexplained diagnosis.

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Never Give Up

Every day I think about what it will be like to see those two lines on a pregnancy test. I daydream about my belly growing and feeling our baby moving. I get excited thinking about Mr. B becoming a Father. I can't wait to buckle him or her into a car seat and visit the Grandparents. These things are always on my mind. 

Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about.
-- Author Unknown

I am so thankful to have married such a wonderful man. I don't know how I would have done this without him. This journey has been difficult for both of us, but it has also brought us closer and strengthened our marriage. He shares in the ups and downs with me and reminds me that everything will be okay. I am confident that we are in this together, no matter what happens.

I am happy we decided to be more open about our journey and at the same time it's been a little weird. One friend, who I haven't talked to in a long time, called me after she saw the What IF video. It was not what I expected. She told me how they had moved out of state to a lower cost-of-living area and paid off all their debt. And then she told me she was pregnant ::blank stare:: She also told me they were getting everything free on Medicaid, even extra ultrasounds if she wanted. That was right after I told her about our struggles and that we are spending thousands on treatments. Seriously? Needless to say, I won't be communicating with her again. I certainly don't need that right now. But what was I expecting? Most people will never understand.

I wish I had more hope for our third IUI. It's difficult when it's failed twice before. Heck, I wish I had more hope that, if we need IVF, it will work. Will I ever get pregnant? I wish I knew that answer. I can't convince myself that I will. I think that's called self-preservation. All of our lives we work hard for the things we want. We worked hard to get and keep the jobs we have. We worked hard to pay off our debts. We worked hard to lose weight. This is the one thing that doesn't work that way. This journey and these treatments feel like a walk in the dark. No one knows for sure what will happen. That uncertainty is hard for both of us, but I am learning that it's best for me to expect the worse. It hurts much less that way.

There is one thing that I am sure of today: I can't ever give up. 

xoxo,

Mrs. B

Vote for Apollo!!!

I never, ever ask anyone to vote for anything, but I am today :) Apollo is entered in the My Dog's Face Contest with our local newspaper. Please vote for our Man Bear Dog! Thank you!!!

Music Friday - Maroon 5

Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera

Yay for Friday! I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!
xoxo,
Mrs. B

Coming out of the Infertility closet

After I posted the What IF video here on the blog, I got brave and decided to post it on my Facebook. I am surprised at all of the positive feedback I have received! I am so happy I decided to share it and sort of "come out of the infertility closet." Even Mr. B was touched by the video and asked me if he could share it on his Facebook as well. We both agreed that we don't want to hide this journey we are on. It's better to be open and bring awareness to Infertility.

Thank you Keiko and my friend Denay for inspiring me!

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Third time's a charm?

IUI #2 didn't work. I haven't shed a tear this time. That's what keeping your hopes way down will do to you.

I am very curious to hear what Dr. A has to say about our final IUI attempt. I say final attempt because of a recent study done on couples with Unexplained Infertility. This study, that you can read here and is explained here, compares two protocols: three cycles of Clomid/IUI, three cycles of gonadotropins FSH/IUI, and up to six cycles of IVF or an accelerated treatment that omitted the three cycles of FSH/IUI. I believe Dr. A follows the accelerated protocol that skips the FSH/IUI. The study shows it's more effective, safer and more cost effective to move onto IVF.

"Don't be discouraged.  It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock." Author Unknown

xoxo,
Mrs. B

What IF: A Portrait of Infertility

A touching video from Keiko Zoll at Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed. She is an amazing writer and infertility advocate.


What IF: A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

You know you have been trying a long time when...

...the picture in line for the Monsters Inc ride at California Adventure reminds you of sperm!

Do you see it? It's white and the dot in the M forms it's head? Then the tail through the T and A? ::sigh:: 

It's always on our minds, no matter how we try to avoid it.

8dpiui Update

I had my progesterone blood draw yesterday and it came back at 21. My RE just wants to see a 10 or above.

14 things to do before I am 14dpiui

1. Go hiking with Apollo - I took him to a mountain bike loop we frequent and hiked while the boys biked. He was worn out!

 

2. Clean out and organize our closests
3. Go to the Del Mar horse races with my family {birthday gift from my Mom} - We are going today!
4. Finish reading Water for Elephants
5. Fill the four empty photo frames I bought - I filled them all! Forgive the crappy cell phone pics.

{master bedroom - Grand Tetons photo by the lovely branmuffin and Trevi Fountain photo in Rome by Mr. B}

{master bedroom - for my love}

{living room - red frame - watercolor by my late Great Aunt Libus}

{above the fireplace - our Man Bear Dog in Yosemite, loving the snow!}

6. Bring lunch to work every day - So far, so good.
7. Eat dinner at home on weekdays - Err. We cheated a few times this week :( Hopefully we will be better next week.
8. Pick a paint color for our office
9. Get a massage with my gift card
10. Finish the shower repair in the master bathroom
11. Spend the night away with just Mr. B and I - We are staying down in Del Mar tonight, thanks to my Mom :)
12. Try at least two new recipes
13. Plant shrubs/cactus in Tom's new enclosure
14. Try a new restaurant - We went to a wonderful Greek place on Sunday night called Orea. It was really good. We were with a group of 24, so we shared everything. For the appetizers, we had Saganaki {pan-fried sheep cheese}, Spanakopita, hummus, tzaziki and Greek fries. For my entree, I ordered Moussaka, a baked eggplant and lamb casserole in a bechamel cream sauce. For dessert, I had Kataefi Krema {a Greek style "cheesecake"} We definitely want to go back!

xoxo,
Mrs. B

Music Friday - Barton Hollow

The Civil Wars by Barton Hollow

"Music is what feelings sound like." Author Unknown

Happy Friday everyone!!!

xoxo,

Mrs. B

Weekend plans!

I am so excited for this weekend! We have lots of fun stuff going on and I love that. Not to mention it helps the time fly by.

Friday we are going to Disneyland!!! We have season passes, but the summer months are crazy so we haven't been in a while. They have the best corn dogs, so that's our dinner plan :)

{source}

For my birthday {back in June}, my Mom purchased box seats for all of us for the horse races at Del Mar this Saturday. There is also a gourmet food truck festival going on at the same time. We are driving down mid-morning, having lunch at the food truck festival, then watching the races. She also made dinner reservations at a wonderful seafood restaurant on the ocean and bought Mr. B and I a hotel room for the night! I already picked out a crepe place for breakfast on Sunday. It will be so nice to get away.

 {source}

Sunday we drive home and in the afternoon I am going with one of my bestest friends to try on bridesmaid dresses. She is getting married on 11/11/11 :) I can't wait for their wedding!

Anyone else have fun weekend plans?

xoxo,
Mrs. B

4dpiui Update

14 things to do before I am 14dpiui


1. Go hiking with Apollo
2. Clean out & organize our closests
3. Go to the Del Mar horse races with my family {birthday gift from my Mom}
4. Finish reading Water for Elephants
5. Fill the four empty photo frames I bought - I filled them all! I will share photos soon :)
6. Bring lunch to work every day - So far, so good.
7. Eat dinner at home on weekdays - Err. We cheated last night. But we also bought more groceries, so no more cheating ;)
8. Pick a paint color for our office
9. Get a massage with my gift card
10. Finish the shower repair in the master bathroom
11. Spend the night away with just Mr. B and I
12. Try at least two new recipes
13. Plant shrubs/cactus in Tom's new enclosure
14. Try a new restaurant - We went to a wonderful Greek place on Sunday night called Orea. It was really good. We were with a group of 24, so we shared everything. For the appetizers, we had Saganaki {pan-fried sheep cheese}, Spanakopita, hummus, tzaziki and Greek fries. For my entree, I ordered Moussaka, a baked eggplant and lamb casserole in a bechamel cream sauce. For dessert, I had Kataefi Krema {a Greek style "cheesecake"} We definitely want to go back!

xoxo,
Mrs. B

14 things before 14dpiui

My list for IUI #2:


14 things to do before I am 14dpiui

1. Go hiking with Apollo
2. Clean out & organize our closests
3. Go to the Del Mar horse races with my family {birthday gift from my Mom}
4. Finish reading Water for Elephants
5. Fill the four empty photo frames I bought
6. Bring lunch to work every day
7. Eat dinner at home on weekdays
8. Pick a paint color for our office
9. Get a massage with my gift card
10. Finish the shower repair in the master bathroom
11. Spend the night away with just Mr. B and I
12. Try at least two new recipes
13. Plant shrubs/cactus in Tom's new enclosure
14. Try a new restaurant

IUI #2 is done!

We had our back-to-back IUI's yesterday and today. I had two mature follies, one on each side, and I felt really intense ovulation pains last night on both sides. Honestly, I was hoping for three this time. Oh well. Mr. B's post wash numbers were higher than IUI #1 at 31 million Friday and 34 million today. Even the nurse congratulated him today, ha! Good job honey :) Progesterone draw is scheduled for Friday the 19th.

Time to make another list of things to do during the next two weeks!

xoxo,
Mrs. B

IUI #2 Update

My mid-cycle monitoring was this morning. I had one mature follie on the right measuring 28mm and two on the left measuring 26mm and 19mm. My lining looked much better this time at 8mm. They gave me the hCG trigger shot today, so we will do an IUI tomorrow morning and likely a second one on Saturday morning.

The hot flashes and night sweats have been really intense this cycle. I finally bought a fan for my desk at work. Oh, and the dreams! My goodness they have been vivid and full of emotion! I reallllly hope I won't need to take Clomid again ::sigh::

hope is a thing with feathers

that perches in the soul

and sings the tune

without the words

and never stops at all.

Emily Dickinson

xoxo,

Mrs. B

Music Monday - Sia

I am switching up the days because I love this song so much :)

Breathe Me by Sia

Fridays are my favorite

First, a song I love :)

The Civil Wars by Barton Hollow

Mr. B and I have an open weekend for once! Yay! Tonight we are doing date night dinner and a movie. We have a few bike rides planned for Saturday and Sunday. Otherwise, we are enjoying a nice, relaxing weekend together. I am so thankful to have an amazing husband who I still feel giddy for after 12 years :)

Happy Friday!

xoxo,

Mrs. B

Here we go, part deux :)

I had my CD3 monitoring appointment this morning. Everything looked good. We are doing the same thing as last cycle, except my RE upped the Clomid dosage to 150mg. Bring on the hot flashes! He said he wants to try to get one more mature follicle this time. My next appointment is Thursday the 11th. I am trying my best to stay positive.

xoxo,

Mrs. B