Moving Forward

I started a new cycle today, but we will be on a break due to the holidays. Dr. A's office is closed the 24th and 25th, right about when we would be triggering, so this cycle is out. The good news is that my body will get a break from the meds again and we can enjoy the holidays without stressing about getting pregnant. Our plan for now is to try a 4th and final IUI in January. I am going to do acupuncture along with that cycle as well. I did it on the cycle I got pregnant with G and I really enjoyed it. 

I had two awful migraines these past several days. That is really my biggest fear with a failed cycle. The pain can be so overwhelming that I have some of my worst and darkest thoughts. While I am waiting for my neurologist appointment, I am going to get a good cardio routine down. It seems the more exercise I do, the less I have these migraines. It's more of a challenge to fit that time in for myself with Grayson, but Nick is willing to help me so we are going to work on it during this break. 

One thing I am sure of... being a Mom is my favorite and most proud title. I will fight just as hard for a second child as I did for our first. 

xoxo,

Megan 

Failed Again

I am down in the dumps, big time. I can't believe this is happening. I have lost all hope of having another child. What is going on?! Why is my body failing us over and over again? I hate this so much. And on top of all this, I have to suffer through migraines for the next week or two. I do have a neurologist appointment for January, but since he is a well-liked doctor, I can't get in any sooner.

I don't know what we will do next as far as cycling goes. We have some Follistim leftover so we could do a 4th IUI. We have discussed IVF too. I'll talk to Dr. A when my next cycle starts.

As usual, here's the recap of this IUI. I didn't keep close track of my follicles this time. I was trying to just let whatever happens happen. No scrutinizing, comparing, stressing, etc. All I know was that I had three to four mature follicles at trigger time on CD9.

IUI #3
November/December 2013
CD3 - CD8: 125 IU Follistim

CD1 11/22/13
CD3 baseline u/s
CD6 u/s and b/w
CD8 u/s and b/w = E2 was 268
CD9 u/s and Novarel injection = {lining 9.9mm}
CD10 u/s and IUI 3.1 = (R: 27mm and 20mm / L: 19mm and 17mm}  Post wash sperm count: 29.5 million
CD11 u/s and IUI 3.2 =  Post wash sperm count: 25 million
7dpo Progesterone b/w = 26

The Holidays

Nick and I are totally kids at heart! We just love this time of year and all that goes along with it.

We celebrated Thanksgiving with my parents and sister. It was our usual early dinner with turkey, oyster stuffing, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, asparagus, and tomato and blue cheese salad. My Mom mixed it up for dessert and made key lime pie with homemade whipped cream!!! It was amazing. I may have had two pieces... then off on a nice walk to the park where G thoroughly enjoyed the slide :)

Thanksgiving

G playing with Blu

Family pic, with the boys being silly.

Uncle Roger came to visit too! 

We found our tree that weekend too.

Cruising around the tree lot.

Lights and ornaments done

Front of our house

We also took family photos for our Christmas card. A few of my favorites...

Florida and Missouri

I can't believe it's December already! I am way behind on my posts.

We had a very busy few weeks back in October and early November. It was go, go, go for a while. Nick's best friend, his wife and three kids live in West Palm Beach, Florida. They had not met Grayson yet and we had not met their new baby girl, so we planned a trip for October to visit them and all go to Disney World. We are huge Disney fans and have had annual passes to Disneyland for years, so we were very excited about this trip. We had a great time and can't wait for the next visit!

Two must haves on a flight with a toddler: remotes and their own seat!

A little snack before we go in to the Magic Kingdom

Troy and Grayson

Turkey leg!

We also went to the Lion Country Safari by our friend's house. It was fun seeing the animals.

Adorable video of G feeding the giraffe's, and then clapping for himself:

Ready for the Lion Country Safari

Rhinos!

And then we were off to St. Louis, Missouri two weeks later. We went to visit family for Nick's Grandparents' 75th wedding anniversary. Grandpa Pep is 96 and Grandma Viv is 94. They are pretty amazing, still living on their own and very sharp.

Cannoli's for dinner, with Grayson's Great Grandparents

St. Louis Zoo

You know, just in case

I tested this morning, just to make sure I wasn't pregnant on our treatment break cycle. I feel stupid testing at all, but I just have to do it so I can mentally prepare for the next cycle. It makes my type A personality happy to have a concrete answer. It is still crushing to look at a negative test, even though I had so little hope to begin with.

I called Dr. A earlier this week and talked to him about what to do next. I voiced my concerns about my response last time. I wasn't happy with the one, maybe two, mature follicles we ended up with. The ideal amount seems to vary because some people only need one follicle to get pregnant and then there's people like me who needed seven. I know seven is a lot and it's a huge risk to take, so it would be great to get three or four. Dr. A said he would start me on a higher dose of Follistim this time, likely 125 IU. I am happy that he is going to do something different. I am also hoping that taking this last cycle off will help. So yeah, that's the plan once I start my next cycle.

Those same horrible feelings are coming back from two years ago. I am terrified that nothing is going to work, not even what worked last time. What are we going to do? How far do we go for a second child? I can't imagine not having more than one, but I don't want to be selfish either. At least I have one. Oy. It's such a roller coaster of emotions. Stupid, stupid Infertility. I hate what it has done to this experience for us and for so many others I know through my message boards and blogs, and everyone fighting the battle that I don't know.

xoxo,
Megan

Halloween!

Yeah, I know. It's November 7th already and I'm just now posting a Halloween post. We left the day after Halloween to visit family in St. Louis, and unfortunately were in terminal 3 when the LAX shooting happened, so our trip was delayed. Thankfully we are all safe.

Halloween is my favorite holiday. Nana bought G's owl costume and surprised me. It was perfect! I just loved watching him flap the wings when he walked. We went trick-or-treating in our new neighborhood and then handed out candy. It was so much fun and I'm looking forward to next year already.

Our pumpkins - squat snatch for Nick, Grayson's hands and then my free hand scary face :)

My little owl.

Trick-or-treating video:

xoxo,

Megan

15 Months

My baby is growing up into a little man. This has been the most fun age ever! From 12 months to 15 months, he has been on a learning spree :) It feels like every day he is learning something new. 

Milestones...

• The biggest milestone in my opinion is his understanding of what we are saying to him or asking him to do. I am constantly amazed by his abilities. He will bring me his socks and shoes and sit down when he wants to go outside, he will lay down on his changing pad when we are out to have his diaper changed, he will help me put his toys away and then clap when he does it. He is his own biggest fan and claps for himself often. He can also point to his {and our} nose, ears, eyes, mouth, hair, and belly button. He gives us kisses and his doggie kisses. 

• He not only walks everywhere, but he does a toddler run too. His balance and coordination get better and better each day. He does not want to be carried or sit in the stroller. He is Mr. Independent. He just moved to the next size shoe - toddler size 5 wide. He has feet like his Daddy :)
• We flew to Florida a few weeks ago and he did really well. He did have a little crying meltdown, but it only lasted 5 minutes on one flight during takeoff. One thing I learned: at this age, buy your toddler their own seat! It made all the difference for us. We got lucky on both flights and were able to take three seats across to ourselves. 
• His favorite toys are not toys at all. He wants to do what Mom and Dad do. We bought him a broom set so he can sweep like me and Nick made him a small wood "barbell" and he lifts it up over his head and squats, just like Daddy. I about die from the cuteness. He watches and mimics everything we do. He loves being outside and he loves figuring out how things work.

• He says: mama, dada, bye bye, hi, duck, more. He knows all the sounds of his toys, like the car, the boat and the helicopter, and a bunch of animal sounds {bear, bird, duck, horse, frog, cat, dog, sheep, fish, cow} He uses his sign language very well. I am so thrilled that his daycare teacher started teaching him because it is so helpful for communication and we love it! He knows "more", "all done", "food", "milk", "tired", "thank you", "please". He also spins around for Ring Around the Rosie and he does Itsy Bitsy Spider and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with his fingers.
• He loves to get into his little chairs and sit in them by himself, he is very good about backing off of the couch or a tall step, he will hold our hands when walking and reaches for our hand if he knows he needs help, he rides his toys everywhere, he kicks his ball around, he can throw the ball back and forth to us, he goes down the slide by himself, he loves the swings, he still loves bathtime and swimming, and he loves to dance. He still loves his dog and kitties. He and Apollo will play outside all day if I let them. Norman, our Bengal mix kitty, is my shadow so he ends up hanging out with Grayson a lot and they are becoming best buddies. G is great with petting any animal gently.

• He drinks whole cow's milk and water. He uses a spoon and fork to eat, and actually stabs the food with the fork. His favorite foods - eggs, sausage, rice pasta, tuna, chicken, beef, buffalo, hot dogs, raspberries, strawberries, bananas, applesauce, Greek yogurt, string cheese, Gouda cheese, toast, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, mini pancakes, waffles, Mexican food.
• He has eight teeth and four molars coming in, two on top and two on bottom. Poor guy. We brush them every morning and evening with the silicone finger brush and I bought him a regular mini size toothbrush so he can practice on his own.
• He absolutely loves daycare and his teacher. He is learning so much. I really, really love it and I'm so happy with everything about his school. We went to the back-to-school night and had a visit with the 18 month - 30 month classroom, where he will be moving in January. We love that teacher too and he knows her already because she helps during the before and after school hours.

His stats:

• He is wearing 18-24 month and 24 month clothes.
• He is wearing size 4 diapers.
• He weighed in at 26.2 lbs and measured 30 3/4 inches long.

Both Nick and I talk about our little man every night before bed and every morning when we wake up. He is our whole world. We love him so much and enjoy every single moment together. I don't know if the Infertility puts life into a different perspective for me, but I don't take a single second for granted. It's all amazing. 

xoxo,

Megan