Maximum Benefit

So yeah, we hit our lifetime Infertility maximum benefit of $10K. That means we are out of pocket now. Our first four treatment cycles the first time around were 100% OOP. We then switched me onto Nick's insurance and had some IF coverage. It was nice while it lasted, but we ate up a lot of it doing those four IUI's this time around. I can't believe this IVF is my ninth treatment cycle overall.

Dr. A lowered my Lupron dose to 10 units and upped my Follistim to 250iu for last night and tonight. It's funny that this happened because I asked my IVF nurse about lowering the Lupron and she said "oh no, you won't need that lowered. Only when you need some extra "oomph" does he lower the Lupron, and you'll respond well" And then he lowered mine. So of course I worry, because that's what I do best. I trust my doctor so hopefully his adjustments help.

I had to order more Follistim and that's when I found out I had just $600 left of coverage. $1,200 later, I had four more 300iu vials. I hope I won't need any more than that!

xoxo,
Megan

IVF Monitoring Appointment #1

I am feeling pretty worn down. My energy and focus are clouded. I'm sure it's the medications doing this to me. I am fatigued and my appetite varies from voracious to non-existent. It seems to help that I am being very good with my food choices. I have a mild headache all day, which is tolerable for the most part. It feels like the stims are balancing my hormones back out so I'm not feeling as awful as I was. Everything usually begins to overwhelm me at the end of the day; I give Grayson a bath, brush his teeth, read him a story, put him down to sleep, get all of my needles and medications ready, do my injections, get mine and Grayson's lunch ready for the next day and then back upstairs to go to bed. It's somewhere in there that, in my head, I want to give up. I want to stop the medications, forget about doing IVF altogether and....  then I stop myself. What are you talking about, crazy lady?!?! I stop in that moment and remember how much joy G brings to our lives, how we talk about him every night until we fall asleep and then again in the morning as soon as we wake up. We love him so much. We have so much love to give another child. I think of it all and remember that it's worth it. And by morning, I feel better again. I thought my IUI's were roller coasters... IVF is a whole new experience!

Today was my first monitoring appointment. After three nights of 225iu Follistim + 75iu Menopur, my follies were all still 10 and under. The doctor said this is normal at this point. They drew blood to check my estrogen levels and will call me later to give me my dosage for the next two nights. I will be at their office a lot next week! The good thing is that time feels like it's moving fast now.

xoxo,
Megan

Bring on the needles!

Phew. What a weekend. Friday was my second acupuncture treatment at the new place. I had a roaring migraine when I got there. I took my migraine meds half way through the treatment. I ended up there for 3 1/2 hours because the massage took so long. Normally I wouldn't have minded, but I felt awful and Nick was worried about me at home. Thankfully the meds eventually kicked in that evening so I could eat some dinner. Saturday I was fine all day. We even built raised planters and planted a vegetable and herb garden in them. I need to post an update on our house. So much has changed.

Sunday morning I woke up with a pretty intense headache. UGH. Really?! I took my migraine meds at 6am, and twice more throughout the day, the max I can take them. And I still had a terrible, terrible migraine all day. I took my Mom to lunch and a movie for her birthday gift. Divergent was amazing and my sweet Mom helped me get groceries afterward since I was feeling so awful. How could I ever make it without her and my husband?!?! Those two literally save me when I am failing at being a wife and Mom. I am so tired of feeling like shit. SO SO SO TIRED OF IT! I just want to be done with hormones and migraines and nausea and all of it. I want to function like a normal person does. I want to enjoy Grayson without this pain. It's beyond frustrating. I am hoping that this IVF gives us at least a few healthy embryos because there is no way I could do another IVF cycle. It's just too much. Maybe an FET, but not another fresh cycle. No way. And that is a terrifying thought. Come on eggs, you better be awesome!

Sunday morning I had my RE appointment. They did an ultrasound and blood work to check that I was suppressed; I was. I start stims today. 225 IU of Follistim with one ampule {75 IU} of Menopur, mixed together. I also continue the Lupron injections until trigger, so two shots every night. Dr. A keeps me on the same dose of Lupron through the stimming phase. I go back for monitoring on Thursday and probably every other day/every day until it's time to trigger for the retrieval. I started stims a day later than expected, so my nurse adjusted the estimated retrieval date to April 14th. Dr. A is out of town so he wanted to push things out a bit so he can do my retrieval. That is perfect because that relieves a lot of my stress about Nick and my Mom being out of town when I hoped to have them around. Yay! Some good news!


Thanks for all the love and support. xoxo

Breakdown

::deep breath::

You know those days? The ones when everything seems to crash down all at once? That was yesterday.

Nick travels some for work, but not a whole lot. But of course one of those times is three days the week of my projected egg retrieval. My nurses keep saying that my retrieval will be April 12th +/- a day. I thought the average for stims was 10 days. If I start stims on the 30th, that puts me somewhere early in the week of April 7th. That's when Nick is gone. Eep. But no big deal, we have a back-up sperm sample in case he is gone and family to help. Not ideal for me, but we don't have much choice. Really I need two "helpers" - one to drive me and make sure I don't die at home for 24 hours after the surgery plus another to help with Grayson. I called my Mom to see how her schedule looks that week, since she works and travels quite a bit. Guess what? She is out of town the first two days that week too, and may be traveling later in the week too. She doesn't know for sure yet. I do not expect others lives to revolve around my IVF cycle, and I understand that completely. It was just overwhelming for me in that moment and I lost it at work. I know everything will work out, but I had a moment of "why me, wahhhhh, it's all too much."

Then I went to my acupuncture appointment at the new place. It was quite a difference experience. Dr Anna was nice enough, and talked to me about keeping myself warm and eating warm foods and discussing all the problems she needed to fix for me. The acupuncture was fine, although I could have used less talking and more quiet time. I figured it was my first appointment so more talking than future appointments. Then she started "massaging" my tummy. Ummm, more like pushing on it harder than anything I've ever felt before! She even pulled out some piece of wood and pushed THAT into my tummy. It was very painful, I couldn't breath right and I hated every second of it. That will not be happening again. It turned into the complete opposite of relaxing. I just want the needles and some massage, and I'm good. Oy. I go back Friday and will make sure she knows this. I almost didn't schedule another appointment with her, but she mentioned adding in a nice massage next time that my insurance would cover and I decided to stick it out.

Then I got home from work... Nick has been sick for almost two and a half weeks. He had a headache every day, and this guy never has headaches, or is ever sick for that matter. He has been on antibiotics and they haven't been helping. His doctor thought it was a sinus infection. Last night, he noticed a small red rash on his tummy. Within minutes he had a rash covering most of his upper body and thighs. We thought maybe he had some kind of allergic reaction, but no clue what caused it. I gave him an anti-histamine to be safe, but he woke up this morning and it looked much worse and had spread more. He went to the doctor today: allergic reaction to Penicillin! Apparently it can take 7 days for enough to build up in your body to have a reaction. I never knew that. So not only did he have this reaction, but the antibiotic likely did nothing for the infection, and we are essentially starting from scratch on treating what's making him feel sick. UGH.

Then I looked out the window and Apollo wasn't looking good. He was trying to poop or throw up or both, I couldn't tell. He has a bad habit of eating socks and rags. I don't even know where he finds this stuff. This morning I woke up to dog vomit everywhere around his bed. You know, just a little cherry on top to the chaos that is our life at the moment.

Grayson has hit the tough toddler stage. I know that it's all normal things and phases they go through, but it can be challenging and takes a lot of patience in the evenings. Plus a sick husband, plus a sick dog, plus an emotional wife... what a disaster. Let's just say that making dinner every night is the last thing on my list. I'm feeling very overwhelmed, but we are getting through it. Things aren't going to slow down anytime soon so we've got to roll with the punches. I now see how much harder it is to go through IF treatments with a toddler. Our families and friends are supportive and always offer their help. My Mom especially. She is my go-to person. Love you, Mom!

Thankfully, I am still feeling okay physically. Today is day four of the Lupron and I took my last Aygestin pill last night. I should be getting a period soon. Fingers crossed for no migraines.

xoxo,
Megan

Cycle Update

It's been pretty boring so far, but I thought I would post an update anyways. Tomorrow is my last day of the Aygestin pills. I started the Lupron last night. It was super easy and painless. I love these "pain-free" insulin needles! I've actually been feeling good, physically. No migraines or headaches, so far. I have a crazy appetite. I see myself gaining weight quickly. It's been the emotional side that's been a bit more difficult, but I will get through it. We have been very open about our IVF. I posted about it on my IG and FB and we talk about it with friends and family when they ask. It's been great to have their support.

I go to my first acupuncture appointment at the new place tomorrow. Our yoga class was canceled last week {boooo!} so I am hoping to go this week. Otherwise, we are finishing up house projects and enjoying our little man. We took the train down to San Diego yesterday and spent the day together. It was a nice break from everything we have going on and Grayson loved the children's museum.

The Watermelon Boat at New Children's Museum

xoxo,
Megan

Baseline Appointment

I had my baseline appointment on Sunday and everything looked good. I started the Aygestin yesterday and will continue it twice a day for 10 days. It's a pill, so easy peasy. I should have another period after I finish those. I will start the Lupron injections on 3/23 and continue until my hCG trigger. I had thought all along that Lupron was an IM injection and that Nick would be giving them to me in my butt. I was wrong! They are subcutaneous so in my belly. Phew. I was thrilled to hear that. The nurse went over the schedule with me. It basically goes like this....

3/16: Aygestin pill for 10 days
3/23: Start Lupron injections
3/30: Back to the RE for an ultrasound and blood work, and to get my dosage and mixing instructions for my stims {Follistim + Menopur}

I will be on stims for about 10 days. It will depend on how I respond, but I will be at the office often having ultrasounds and blood draws to monitor my response. When my follicles are ready, Nick will give me the hCG trigger shot 36 hours before my egg retrieval. My nurse predicted a retrieval sometime around April 12th. After retrieval, I should get a period about 10 days later. As long as my period comes before we leave for Hawaii, I can begin the estrogen and have our transfer done that cycle. If not, I will have to wait and do our transfer the following cycle. Either way, our embryos will have PGS done, be frozen and waiting for us.

I have done acupuncture with my IUI cycles, so I will continue going. However, I found out that acupuncture is covered by our insurance with a $25 co-pay. I just need to go to an in-network provider. I found another well-rated acupuncturist right around the corner from my office, so I am going to call them today. $25 a visit is much better than $85! I am also going to a gentle yoga class with my Mom on Thursdays. It will be my first time doing yoga and I'm really looking forward to it.

xoxo,
Megan

Here we go!!!

My period showed up today so our IVF cycle is officially underway! Ahhh!

I scheduled our first appointment for Sunday morning. It's the usual day 3 ultrasound and then I'll start taking my first medication, Aygestin, to keep my ovaries quiet prior to stimming.

xoxo,
Megan