Breakdown

::deep breath::

You know those days? The ones when everything seems to crash down all at once? That was yesterday.

Nick travels some for work, but not a whole lot. But of course one of those times is three days the week of my projected egg retrieval. My nurses keep saying that my retrieval will be April 12th +/- a day. I thought the average for stims was 10 days. If I start stims on the 30th, that puts me somewhere early in the week of April 7th. That's when Nick is gone. Eep. But no big deal, we have a back-up sperm sample in case he is gone and family to help. Not ideal for me, but we don't have much choice. Really I need two "helpers" - one to drive me and make sure I don't die at home for 24 hours after the surgery plus another to help with Grayson. I called my Mom to see how her schedule looks that week, since she works and travels quite a bit. Guess what? She is out of town the first two days that week too, and may be traveling later in the week too. She doesn't know for sure yet. I do not expect others lives to revolve around my IVF cycle, and I understand that completely. It was just overwhelming for me in that moment and I lost it at work. I know everything will work out, but I had a moment of "why me, wahhhhh, it's all too much."

Then I went to my acupuncture appointment at the new place. It was quite a difference experience. Dr Anna was nice enough, and talked to me about keeping myself warm and eating warm foods and discussing all the problems she needed to fix for me. The acupuncture was fine, although I could have used less talking and more quiet time. I figured it was my first appointment so more talking than future appointments. Then she started "massaging" my tummy. Ummm, more like pushing on it harder than anything I've ever felt before! She even pulled out some piece of wood and pushed THAT into my tummy. It was very painful, I couldn't breath right and I hated every second of it. That will not be happening again. It turned into the complete opposite of relaxing. I just want the needles and some massage, and I'm good. Oy. I go back Friday and will make sure she knows this. I almost didn't schedule another appointment with her, but she mentioned adding in a nice massage next time that my insurance would cover and I decided to stick it out.

Then I got home from work... Nick has been sick for almost two and a half weeks. He had a headache every day, and this guy never has headaches, or is ever sick for that matter. He has been on antibiotics and they haven't been helping. His doctor thought it was a sinus infection. Last night, he noticed a small red rash on his tummy. Within minutes he had a rash covering most of his upper body and thighs. We thought maybe he had some kind of allergic reaction, but no clue what caused it. I gave him an anti-histamine to be safe, but he woke up this morning and it looked much worse and had spread more. He went to the doctor today: allergic reaction to Penicillin! Apparently it can take 7 days for enough to build up in your body to have a reaction. I never knew that. So not only did he have this reaction, but the antibiotic likely did nothing for the infection, and we are essentially starting from scratch on treating what's making him feel sick. UGH.

Then I looked out the window and Apollo wasn't looking good. He was trying to poop or throw up or both, I couldn't tell. He has a bad habit of eating socks and rags. I don't even know where he finds this stuff. This morning I woke up to dog vomit everywhere around his bed. You know, just a little cherry on top to the chaos that is our life at the moment.

Grayson has hit the tough toddler stage. I know that it's all normal things and phases they go through, but it can be challenging and takes a lot of patience in the evenings. Plus a sick husband, plus a sick dog, plus an emotional wife... what a disaster. Let's just say that making dinner every night is the last thing on my list. I'm feeling very overwhelmed, but we are getting through it. Things aren't going to slow down anytime soon so we've got to roll with the punches. I now see how much harder it is to go through IF treatments with a toddler. Our families and friends are supportive and always offer their help. My Mom especially. She is my go-to person. Love you, Mom!

Thankfully, I am still feeling okay physically. Today is day four of the Lupron and I took my last Aygestin pill last night. I should be getting a period soon. Fingers crossed for no migraines.

xoxo,
Megan