My random thoughts on Infertility.

Infertility is one of those journeys that a person cannot fully understand until they have gone through it themselves. It's weird that way. What I hope for is that my family and friends realize that and understand that all we want is for them to be there for us when we need them. Thankfully, they have been wonderful. There are a few exceptions, but that's to be expected.

I think back now to times when I was younger and naive, and didn't understand what I do now. See, my Mom's sister was never able to have children. I don't know all the details, but from what I understand now, she had premature ovarian failure. Back then, I understood she couldn't have a baby and that saddened me, but I didn't truly understand until now. Now that it's happening to us, my heart hurts for her. It was part of the reason her marriage ended. My uncle wanted his own children, and when he re-married, he had them. My aunt is still single and going through more struggles than just Infertility, many of which likely resulted from that awful journey.

One of my cousins was trying to have a baby with his then fiance. They had several early miscarriages and finally a still born daughter. I was devastated for them. I couldn't imagine the kind of pain they must have been going through. Their relationship also ended and he married someone else & has a new baby girl.

It's terrifying to know how hard Infertility can be on a relationship. I am thankful that, for now, it has brought Mr. B and I closer. I can now understand some of what my aunt, uncle & cousins must have felt. Alone. Sad. Frustrated. Defeated. Broken. I am feeling especially broken these days because it is becoming clear that there must be something wrong with my eggs or my uterus. Why is my body failing me?

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." Arthur Golden

xoxo,
Mrs. B