Surprise!

I can't even believe I am writing this post.... On February 3, 2016, we found out we are expecting another baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Number 3!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh!

No infertility treatments, no medications, no injections, no stressing and worrying and anxiety, no doctors, no thousands of dollars. We just got pregnant on our own. Oh, how I hate to be one of those cliches. But then at the same time, we are SO happy! We always wanted three children. We talked about it and decided that it would have to happen on it's own. But we never, ever thought it would. Because why would it? After all we have been through and all the years. And then it did.

The shock still hasn't worn off. I was shaking for several days after taking the pregnancy test. I didn't even want to take it because I was CERTAIN I wasn't pregnant. Absolutely sure there was no way. I waited WAY longer than I ever have to even take the test because I thought it was stupid and not possible. Nick actually pushed me to finally test. You should have seen our faces when I got out of the shower and told Nick "ummm, this expired cheap test says I am pregnant!" I took the kids to school and then stopped at the store for two boxes of tests. And sure enough, they both were positive too.

My sister was completely shocked. My parents were shocked. My best friend was shocked. My Mom told me that she has never been so surprised as she was when we told her this news. It's just crazy!!!

My due date is October 1st, but I will have a repeat c-section so baby will be here end of September, unless I go into labor on my own sooner. We also decided to wait to find out the gender when he/she is born. It should be fun for Nick to walk out to the waiting room and tell our parents :)

Even after a whole month has passed, I am still in total shock. Today I am 10 weeks and feeling sick all day, every day. We had our first ultrasound and everything looked good, we saw the heart beating away and little arms and legs forming. We go back for the NT scan on March 24th.

Cute side story: Grayson knows there is another sibling on the way and he is SO excited! He always points out that the new baby will sit here, and he will play with and tickle the new baby, and the baby is definitely a girl, and he even kisses my belly goodbye at school. Melts my heart. The other day we were talking about the baby again and he asked "mama, what's the baby's name going to be?" I told him that we won't know until the baby is born because we won't know if the baby is a boy or a girl. He replied "we should call the baby Cashew. Or Peanut. Because the baby is so small." My sweet boy! Cashews are his favorite nut so it makes sense. And we told him the other day that we can call the baby Peanut for now since we won't have a name for a long time.

Cora - One Year!!!!

My sweet girl is ONE!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it! And this post is super late. Embarassing. She turned one on January 23rd, more than a month ago. So much going on to start off 2016.

• We had a wonderful birthday party for our girl with all things rainbows and unicorns :) She had a great time and her adorable cake pops were a huge hit!

• At her One Year check-up on January 26th, she was 20 lbs 13 oz, 30.5 inches long, and her head was 45.5 cm. She is wearing 18 month clothes and just switched to size 4 diapers.

•  She is done with formula and is on cow's milk and using sippy cups very well. I still give her a bottle at bedtime. She is a good eater and has lots of favorites: black beans, string cheese, chicken, tuna, blueberries, tomatoes, broccoli, raisins and of course (just like her Mama) she loves some ice cream for dessert!

• She naps for an hour or two at home, and 45 minutes to an hour at school. Her nighttime sleep is great now! She goes to bed between 7 and 8pm and we get her up at 7:15am on weekdays.

• I think she is at 11 or 12 teeth now. Since my last update a couple more teeth have popped through, mostly molars. Ouch. I can definitely tell when it's hurting her as she eats a lot less and wants her cold teethers more often. And she's gets pretty fussy. Poor thing.

• Her and Grayson are so sweet. He always tells me "I want to do _________, and then I can play with Cora." He is always so thoughtful of her, offering to share bites of his food and offering her a toy if she is crying. He also wants her to chase him around and play with him any way she can. They give each other big hugs and he is still her favorite person ever. She squeals and laughs as soon as she sees him. My heart feels so full watching them together. 

• Her personality is really showing lately! She is so brave and determined. She loves to give hugs, kisses and high fives. She also waves, when she wants to ;) She is very independent now and wants to go where she wants and do what she wants. She has started reaching her hand up to hold ours when we walk around, down/up steps, etc. and G loves to walk around holding her hand - I about die from the cuteness!!! She also understands SO much of what we say, it blows me away! She knows to get her shoes when it's time to leave. She knows when I ask if she is hungry. She does a pretty good job at communicating what she wants. She says "mama", "dada" and "uh oh" right now. I am hoping she starts to pick up more words soon. I can tell she gets frustrated sometimes and is whining for things instead, but we will get there. Unfortunately the teachers in her class don't use sign language like Grayson's teacher did, so she isn't picking that up. It was so helpful for him so I will keep trying at home.

Apollo

Apollo's first picture, at 10 weeks, driving home from the airport in my passenger seat :)

We lost our Man Bear Dog on January 2nd. I am drowning in sadness right now and sick to my stomach with the pain his loss has caused me. I saw my husband cry for only the second time in the 16 years I've known him.

He had a seizure at 2 in the afternoon and we realized after it ended, that he has likely been having these episodes for months but we were always asleep and had never seen the actual seizure, only the aftermath. The vet said the most likely cause in a geriatric dog is a brain tumor. He was 9 1/2 and that's quite old for a Mastiff. He was also on a lot of pain medications and anti-inflammatories to help with his bad hips and back, and even those weren't enough for him to be completely comfortable. We knew this time wasn't far off, but that didn't make any of it any easier. 

I don't want to forget him. As each day passes, I am afraid I will forget his smell, the way his fur feels, the sounds he made, every little detail about him and all the ways he did things. I stroked his ear while we were waiting for the doctor at the emergency vet hospital. I memorized exactly the way his ear felt and never wanted to let go. I sit and stare at the thousands of pictures and videos we have of him. They simultaneously make me happy and make me sob.

Nick and I are gathering all of the photos to make a giant photo book so we can look at them all whenever we want in one place. We also had a paw print impression done at the vet. I wish these items would heal my heart, but nothing will bring him back and I'm having the hardest time with that. That I'll never ever see him again. That reality hurts so, so much.

He was the biggest sweetheart, so amazing with the kids, he loved everyone he met, he went so many places with us - exploring L.A., hiking all over, Yosemite in the snow, to the family ranch in Ojai many times, on road trips all over Southern California. He lived at both our first house and this current one, at my parent's house in the very beginning and in between houses. He let me dress him up for every holiday. He loved to kiss faces, especially Nick's, all over. He was there through all of our infertility struggles, he was there when we brought both babies home from the hospital, he was there for every part of our lives, the good, the bad, the ugly. All of it. Gosh I miss him. 

This pain truly feels unbearable and I feel like I will never surface from this drowning feeling. It's terrible. It's a blessing in disguise that Grayson (and obviously Cora) cannot fully understand what has happened. We have told him several times that he is gone, that he has died. But he doesn't get it. He asks periodically where he is. And my heart breaks a little more. The empty space where he used to sleep looks so large and empty without his 200 lbs there. Every time I look at where his bed used to be or where he used to lay outside or where he used to drink his water, I get that painful pit in my stomach. I catch myself going to let him outside or check on him in the yard, but he's not there. I even think I see him out of the corner of my eye but it's never him.

We love you so much Apollo. We will never forget you and we will never stop missing you. You were the best dog ever.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I wrote this post back in early January, only days after we lost him. Things are better now. I don't cry as often and the pain is not unbearable anymore. But I still think of him daily and miss him SO MUCH :( Grayson still asks where Apollo is every once in a while and my heart breaks all over again.

xoxo,
Megan

Cora - Month Nine and Ten

Cora at 10 months {this is sooooo late, she was 10 months old on Nov 23rd}.....

• My sweet girl! She is such a love and always happy, smiling and laughing. She is becoming more and more independent, not wanting to be held as much, and she's always ready to play when I drop her off at preschool. She loves carrying toys and books around with her. She LOVES music and dancing. Any song will get her going. It must be a second child thing plus a not-so-girly Mom who doesn't know what to buy for a girl, but she really doesn't have many of her own toys. She happily plays with all of G's hand-me-downs. We did get her some of her own things for Christmas so we'll see if she has any favorites then.

• The biggest thing that happened? She started walking!!!! She had been taking one or two steps to us and then Nov. 24th, while we were in Ojai for Thanksgiving, she started taking more steps on her own. Now she is walking everywhere! It's even become her preferred method of getting somewhere. I love seeing her cruising around, squealing with delight over her new skill.

• She enjoys her time at school and the teachers told me the other day that she is always so happy and such a joy in the class. That made my Mama heart swell. 

• At her 9 month check-up on October 23rd, she was 18 lbs 8 oz (50%), 27 inches long (25%) and her head was 44 1/2 cm (73%). She had her booster flu shot a couple weeks ago and weighed 19 lbs 10 oz. She's growing so fast!

• She LOVES food! Just like her brother. She eats everything we give her. She is also using a sippy cup for water and doing really well with it, so I am going to start giving her formula in it to practice. Next month I will start weaning her onto cow's milk. I've also started giving her a fork and spoon to practice feeding herself.

She loves to put that foot up when she eats

• She naps well at home and less at school. She can do 2 to 3 hours at home, but only naps 45 minutes at school. She is so exhausted at the end of school days. Her nighttime sleep can be great, straight through from 8 pm to 7 am on most days. Finally! She still has some nights that she wakes up once, but it's been much better lately. 

• She still has eight teeth, but I can tell more are on their way. She chews on everything and is drooling tons.

• She still absolutely adores her brother. If he smiles at her or talks to her, she starts giggling and waving her hands around. He is already becoming her little protector, singing to her when she is upset (pat-a-cake or peek-a-boo) and sharing toys with her to keep her busy. He also plays "chase" with her with the walker toys. He can be so sweet with her, guiding her all around the house when she gets stuck. And then there are times when he is too rough or takes everything away from her and she gets upset. Siblings. 

Can I just say how much fun it is through the holidays with these two?!?! I couldn't be more grateful to be at this point, raising these sweet babies of mine. They are my everything. There are days that feel so long, but the next minute I remember how soon it will be that they no longer need me to kiss them when they cry and help them put their shoes on and wash their hair. It's then that I slow down and let the frustrations go and enjoy all of the moments, even the hard ones. What a bittersweet thing it is to be a parent. So many joys and yet my heart hurts at the same time, thinking of them grown up. I have to force myself to live in the present.

Happy Holidays and New Year to all! I'll probably post again for her first birthday. OMG, she's turning ONE next month! Hold me.

xoxo,
Megan

Cora - Month Seven and Eight

8 months

7 months

Cora at 8 months.....

• She is such a good baby! She is still attached to Mama, but much less so these days. She is fine with others holding her and she doesn't wail every time she sees me walk past her. She always wants to move and go and explore! Just like her brother! She is still very happy and is beginning to "talk" more and more. First word: Dada!! G's first word was Mama so I was so happy she did that for her Daddy. She just started saying it on 9/18, so just before 8 months. She loves to swing her arms around when she is happy/excited. And that's mostly when she is watching her brother. Boy, does she love him!

• She continues to do well at school. I love that our Montessori starts the babies off young with their methods. The teachers always leave comments on her daily that say she makes the other kids happy with all her smiles - melts my heart :) 

• We don't go back to the doctor again until she is 9 months old (October), but she is a solid girl! She is getting heavier and heavier to carry. I switched out the infant bucket seat with a new Britax convertible. She is wearing 6 - 12 month and 12 month clothing and has been in a size 3 diaper for a while now. Breastfeeding... I nurse her once or twice a day during the week, and more on the weeekends. As usual, I was freaking out about my decline in supply, knowing that I wouldn't need to supplement with formula if I wasn't working and so insanely busy, stuck in meetings all the time, etc. But then I realized that it is what it is. I just don't have much choice. I would be sacrificing sleep and time with my kids to add in pump sessions where I could and it wasn't worth it to me. I wish the US had year-long maternity leaves like some other countries. In the end, she is happy and healthy and that's what matters most.

• She loves food! She is eating everything now. She has had eggs, waffles, pancakes, oatmeal, toast, blueberries, bananas, watermelon, applesauce, noodles, crackers, chicken, steak, rib meat, salmon, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, avocados, guacamole, broccoli, cauliflower, artichokes, carrots, puffs, cheerios and every pureed fruit and veggie that I've found in the organic pouches. 

• She doesn't nap much at all, sometimes only 30 minutes all day, especially at school. I think her average nap on the weekdays is just one hour. She sleeps better at night on those days. She had been waking up between 3 and 5 am and I was nursing her and then putting her back down. This week I decided to try and wean her off of that. Instead I pop her pacifier in and she falls back to sleep. We will see how it goes. So far, so good. I am not a huge fan of "sleep training", I just try to do what feels right. This week she slept through a couple of nights, so sleep is getting better.

• She is still super strong and her teachers are very impressed with her abilities and determination!  She is crawling everywhere now and fast. She pulls up with ease and just this past week (9/18) she started pushing her walker around to take steps. Her teachers also told me she has been standing on her own (not holding anything) this week. I am pretty sure she is going to be walking by month nine or ten. She loves her toys; favorites are the slinky, paper (which lasts a couple seconds before she eats it, ha!), taggies owl, her teethers, any of G's toy cars that she can roll around, and standing at her music table. Everything goes into her mouth right now - that's especially fun when Grayson plays with teeny tiny Lego pieces all day long. She has four teeth on the top and three on the bottom, with more on the way! So many teeth already.

• She looooves her brother. Just completely adores him and thinks he is the greatest and most fun person ever. He always makes her smile and laugh, and talks to her non-stop. He is an amazing big brother. He enjoys giving her kisses and is always saying "it's okay" when she cries. It melts my heart. I love watching their relationship grow. They have started playing together too. It's adorable!!!!

• She still loves the water. She kicks her legs non-stop when she takes a bath or when we go in the pool. She takes her baths with brother in the big tub and loves it! She really likes being outside and it seems to put her at peace so quickly. She enjoys the swings, looking at herself in her play mirror, chomping on her teethers, watching the kitties and Apollo, peek-a-boo, patty cake, reading stories, playing with her brother with whatever he is doing, hanging out in the stroller or Tula, and exploring everything around her. 

We just love our sweet girl so much. She really balances our family and I get so much joy watching her and her brother grow up together. My mama heart is so full and happy. 

Cora - Month Five and Six

Oh my goodness. Life has been absolutely crazy! Crazier than I can ever remember. I'm swamped at work, Nick is swamped at work plus taking two summer classes for school, all of our weekends are booked for months, both kids are growing up so fast... it's just been so chaotic. I haven't even looked at my blog in forever. My sweet girl will just have a combo post for months five and six. OMG, 6 months already?!?! Slow down, time! And just as I'm about to post this combo update, another week three weeks goes by.... Sheesh. I feel like I'll never catch up...

Cora at 6 months.....

• Oh, my happy girl! She really is just like her pictures; happy, happy, happy! And there is nothing that makes me more proud than to see that my kids are happy. She has the best smile and loves to giggle. She is very ticklish under her neck so it's my favorite place to kiss :)

• She started at the Montessori school with her brother on June 22nd. And the two weeks prior to that, she went to work with me! She did so well. But she is loving her teachers and spending time with all the babies in her room. Everything there is going great and she even gets to visit with her brother during the day. She does not sleep much at school. Usually only one nap, for an hour to an hour and a half. But she tends to sleep better at night when she has less naps, so that's fine with me!

Video of her pulling to stand:

• At her 6 month appointment (July 24th), she weighed 16.8 1/2 lbs (55%), was 25 1/2 inches long (25%) and her head measured 42 1/2 cm (60%). She is wearing 6 - 12 month and 9 month clothing and has been in a size 3 diaper for a while now. Breastfeeding is still going great, but I am not getting enough from pumping at work for all her bottles at school. They have formula there to supplement as needed. At first, I was freaking out about it but then I realized that it is what it is. Because of how crazy my work schedule has been, plus getting stuck in meetings where I can't pump, I just didn't have a lot of choice. I would be sacrificing sleep and time with my kids to add in pump sessions where I could and it wasn't worth it to me. Especially when she is getting A LOT of breast milk as it is. Good news is no more colicky episodes! Her digestion system seems to be sorted out now. She has also started on purees and table foods. 

• Sleep varies. She is in her crib now in her own room. Just this week, she gave me 2 nights of uninterrupted sleep from 9:00 pm to 7:30 am! Yay! It's unpredictable right now. Sometimes she wants to nurse and other times she just needs her pacifier and she falls back to sleep. Speaking of the pacifier, we only use it for sleeping and I prefer it that way.

• She is still super strong and her teachers are very impressed with her abilities and determination!  She is crawling everywhere now. She is also sitting up on her own. Just this week, she is starting to pull herself up onto things. Already!!!! I feel like she is going to be walking so much earlier than G did. She holds and swings her toys around. Everything goes into her mouth right now. Her two bottom center teeth are all the way through and I see some swelling in her upper gums so I think those are next. She is very vocal and screeches and "talks" and babbles all the time. Her hair is growing in more. I can't wait until it gets longer and people stop saying "he", despite the purple and florals I always put her in, ha!

• She loves her brother. He always makes her smile and laugh. He has been amazing as a big brother too. He really loves her, enjoys giving her kisses and is always saying "it's okay" when she cries. It melts my heart. Of course he also takes toys from her sometimes, but overall it's good. I love watching their relationship grow. They have started playing together lately too. It's adorable!!!!

• She still loves the water. She kicks her legs non-stop when she takes a bath or when we go in the pool. I put her in a little laundry basket in the bath now that she wants to sit up all the time, and she loves it! She really likes being outside and it seems to put her at peace so quickly. She enjoys the swings, looking at herself in her play mirror, chomping on her teethers, watching the kitties and Apollo, peek-a-boo, patty cake, reading stories, playing with her brother with whatever he is doing, hanging out in the stroller or Tula, and Mom! She is sure all about me right now. 

We just love our sweet girl so much. She really balances our family (although I am still not 100% sure if we are complete) and I get so much joy watching her and her brother grow up together. My heart is so full and happy. 

Cora - Month Four

Cora at 4 months.....

• She is still a very happy baby, always smiling and cooing at everyone. She is just the sweetest girl. She is talking more and more. She has just started to get clingy to me. She doesn't want to be put down much and loves to be in my arms to see all that is going on around her or wrapped in the Solly or Ergo. She is becoming more aware and knows when someone else is holding her. She can also get overwhelmed with too much loud noise or too many people trying to give her attention. She is taking after me on that ;) 

• At her 4 month appointment, she weighed 14.2 1/2 lbs (50%), was 24.5 inches long (50%) and her head measured 41 cm (70%). She is wearing 6 month clothing and is still in a size 2 diaper. Breastfeeding is still going great and she eats every hour to two hours during the day. She has had several colicky episodes where she loses her mind fussing and nothing can console her. I burp and rock and sway and shush until she finally gets little burps out. My poor girl. Thankfully it's not too often. She still uses her pacifier and blankie for her naps. 

Grayson on top, Cora on bottom - she is beginning to look like him as a baby

• Sleep is good. She usually wakes around 3 or 4 am to eat, although last night she slept from 9:30 pm until 7 am. We still haven't moved her into her own room. We keep procrastinating on that, so she's in the pack 'n play next to our bed. She is still swaddled as she hasn't rolled to her tummy yet. 

• She is super strong! She can stand on her own if she has something to keep her from falling over. She is always trying to sit up when you lay her down flat and she has (and has always had) amazing neck strength. When she is up for it, she enjoys swatting her toys on her playmat and doing some tummy time. She is grabbing at everything now, putting everything in her mouth, especially her fingers, and is drooling a ton. I think she's starting to teeth. Her favorites are the nursing/teething necklace I got from Etsy and the Comotomo teether. She loooooooves her brother, and the feeling is mutual. She will crack up and smile and coo at him when he talks to her. He loves to kiss her hands and smile at her. Whenever she smiles back, he says "I'm making baby sister happy!" I about die from the cuteness!!

• She went on her first road trip/camping trip/vacation. She did really well. The only issue was the colicky episodes, which were more frequent on the trip. I'm not sure why, but otherwise she was great and I can't wait for a few other trips we have planned this year. 

• We've started taking her in the pool as the weather is warming up and she loves it. She kicks her legs the entire time and smiles. I can't believe I have two fish kids - they both are obsessed with the water like me.

• She starts at the Montessori school Grayson attends on June 22nd. Siiiiiiiiigh. It's so hard for me making that transition from spending every minute with her to being away for 8 hours a day. I've already had a few crying sessions about it. My company was desperate for me to come back earlier because things are a bit crazy, so I agreed to start this upcoming Monday and bring her in with me. It will help some with the transition. Plus they offered me some vacation time for this year in exchange. The other catch is that Nick will be on a business trip my whole first week back without her. That should be fun, ugh.