Baby #3: 14 weeks

We are going to do family/maternity photos again in July,
but this one is from a big family photo shoot we did in Ojai a couple weeks ago.

How far along.... 14 weeks, 3 days!

How am I feeling....  The nausea is beginning to subside some. My cravings/aversions are still very strong so I listen to my body ;) I definitely noticed a big improvement coming into my second trimester. However, this past weekend must have been a fluke. I woke up with an awful headache on Saturday morning, and despite eating right away, threw up all day until dinner. I also woke up Sunday feeling pretty bad, but managed to keep my food down. Phew. Otherwise I feel good.

How is baby doing.... Wonderful! We had our NT scan two weeks ago and everything looked great. My blood work came back normal as well. That was a huge relief as I have had this weird feeling that something was wrong. After talking to my Mom, we realized we have both been feeling that way because this miracle baby seems too good to be true. And I almost forgot... I have been feeling baby moving!!!! It's so early, but I really know what the feeling is and I have a posterior placenta, so I've been feeling movement since 12 weeks. So crazy.

Milestones, etc....  We are having fun making our list of names. It's crazy to think we need to have at least two picked out, one for a boy and one for a girl! We are officially in the second trimester now and I am beginning to believe I am pregnant. This third time is the most surreal yet. I find myself imagining a third every time we are doing things with the kids, wondering "what will this be like with one more..." I found an adorable Etsy shop {I love Etsy!} that makes bonnets for boys and girls and bought two to bring to the hospital.

Baby #3: 5 - 11 weeks

This is what 9 weeks looks like for a third pregnancy!! Whoa.

How far along.... 11 weeks!

How am I feeling.... I'm doing alright, but every day is different. I was pretty worried there for a couple weeks that I was going to have a repeat of Cora's pregnancy and end up very, very sick. But *knock on wood* I am hoping that's not the case. Just these past few days, I have been feeling a lot better and my appetite is improving, although I still don't want much. I stick to my safe foods: cereal, lots and lots of cereal! I don't want meat, but I like eggs. Cheese, fruit, salads, soup, and most carbs are good right now. I am pretty tired, but keeping up with my two munchkins okay. Otherwise, I'm feeling good!

How is baby doing.... We had an ultrasound around 9 weeks to date the pregnancy and everything looked good. The heart was beating and the baby was moving around a lot.

Milestones, etc.... I'm really looking forward to our NT scan in 10 days to see the baby again. We also announced this pregnancy to everyone, so it's no longer a secret. Did I mention we aren't going to find out the gender this time?! I think it will be so fun to hear it announced at the delivery and then be able to tell/show our parents and family at the hospital!

Surprise!

I can't even believe I am writing this post.... On February 3, 2016, we found out we are expecting another baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Number 3!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh!

No infertility treatments, no medications, no injections, no stressing and worrying and anxiety, no doctors, no thousands of dollars. We just got pregnant on our own. Oh, how I hate to be one of those cliches. But then at the same time, we are SO happy! We always wanted three children. We talked about it and decided that it would have to happen on it's own. But we never, ever thought it would. Because why would it? After all we have been through and all the years. And then it did.

The shock still hasn't worn off. I was shaking for several days after taking the pregnancy test. I didn't even want to take it because I was CERTAIN I wasn't pregnant. Absolutely sure there was no way. I waited WAY longer than I ever have to even take the test because I thought it was stupid and not possible. Nick actually pushed me to finally test. You should have seen our faces when I got out of the shower and told Nick "ummm, this expired cheap test says I am pregnant!" I took the kids to school and then stopped at the store for two boxes of tests. And sure enough, they both were positive too.

My sister was completely shocked. My parents were shocked. My best friend was shocked. My Mom told me that she has never been so surprised as she was when we told her this news. It's just crazy!!!

My due date is October 1st, but I will have a repeat c-section so baby will be here end of September, unless I go into labor on my own sooner. We also decided to wait to find out the gender when he/she is born. It should be fun for Nick to walk out to the waiting room and tell our parents :)

Even after a whole month has passed, I am still in total shock. Today I am 10 weeks and feeling sick all day, every day. We had our first ultrasound and everything looked good, we saw the heart beating away and little arms and legs forming. We go back for the NT scan on March 24th.

Cute side story: Grayson knows there is another sibling on the way and he is SO excited! He always points out that the new baby will sit here, and he will play with and tickle the new baby, and the baby is definitely a girl, and he even kisses my belly goodbye at school. Melts my heart. The other day we were talking about the baby again and he asked "mama, what's the baby's name going to be?" I told him that we won't know until the baby is born because we won't know if the baby is a boy or a girl. He replied "we should call the baby Cashew. Or Peanut. Because the baby is so small." My sweet boy! Cashews are his favorite nut so it makes sense. And we told him the other day that we can call the baby Peanut for now since we won't have a name for a long time.

Cora - One Year!!!!

My sweet girl is ONE!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it! And this post is super late. Embarassing. She turned one on January 23rd, more than a month ago. So much going on to start off 2016.

• We had a wonderful birthday party for our girl with all things rainbows and unicorns :) She had a great time and her adorable cake pops were a huge hit!

• At her One Year check-up on January 26th, she was 20 lbs 13 oz, 30.5 inches long, and her head was 45.5 cm. She is wearing 18 month clothes and just switched to size 4 diapers.

•  She is done with formula and is on cow's milk and using sippy cups very well. I still give her a bottle at bedtime. She is a good eater and has lots of favorites: black beans, string cheese, chicken, tuna, blueberries, tomatoes, broccoli, raisins and of course (just like her Mama) she loves some ice cream for dessert!

• She naps for an hour or two at home, and 45 minutes to an hour at school. Her nighttime sleep is great now! She goes to bed between 7 and 8pm and we get her up at 7:15am on weekdays.

• I think she is at 11 or 12 teeth now. Since my last update a couple more teeth have popped through, mostly molars. Ouch. I can definitely tell when it's hurting her as she eats a lot less and wants her cold teethers more often. And she's gets pretty fussy. Poor thing.

• Her and Grayson are so sweet. He always tells me "I want to do _________, and then I can play with Cora." He is always so thoughtful of her, offering to share bites of his food and offering her a toy if she is crying. He also wants her to chase him around and play with him any way she can. They give each other big hugs and he is still her favorite person ever. She squeals and laughs as soon as she sees him. My heart feels so full watching them together. 

• Her personality is really showing lately! She is so brave and determined. She loves to give hugs, kisses and high fives. She also waves, when she wants to ;) She is very independent now and wants to go where she wants and do what she wants. She has started reaching her hand up to hold ours when we walk around, down/up steps, etc. and G loves to walk around holding her hand - I about die from the cuteness!!! She also understands SO much of what we say, it blows me away! She knows to get her shoes when it's time to leave. She knows when I ask if she is hungry. She does a pretty good job at communicating what she wants. She says "mama", "dada" and "uh oh" right now. I am hoping she starts to pick up more words soon. I can tell she gets frustrated sometimes and is whining for things instead, but we will get there. Unfortunately the teachers in her class don't use sign language like Grayson's teacher did, so she isn't picking that up. It was so helpful for him so I will keep trying at home.

Apollo

Apollo's first picture, at 10 weeks, driving home from the airport in my passenger seat :)

We lost our Man Bear Dog on January 2nd. I am drowning in sadness right now and sick to my stomach with the pain his loss has caused me. I saw my husband cry for only the second time in the 16 years I've known him.

He had a seizure at 2 in the afternoon and we realized after it ended, that he has likely been having these episodes for months but we were always asleep and had never seen the actual seizure, only the aftermath. The vet said the most likely cause in a geriatric dog is a brain tumor. He was 9 1/2 and that's quite old for a Mastiff. He was also on a lot of pain medications and anti-inflammatories to help with his bad hips and back, and even those weren't enough for him to be completely comfortable. We knew this time wasn't far off, but that didn't make any of it any easier. 

I don't want to forget him. As each day passes, I am afraid I will forget his smell, the way his fur feels, the sounds he made, every little detail about him and all the ways he did things. I stroked his ear while we were waiting for the doctor at the emergency vet hospital. I memorized exactly the way his ear felt and never wanted to let go. I sit and stare at the thousands of pictures and videos we have of him. They simultaneously make me happy and make me sob.

Nick and I are gathering all of the photos to make a giant photo book so we can look at them all whenever we want in one place. We also had a paw print impression done at the vet. I wish these items would heal my heart, but nothing will bring him back and I'm having the hardest time with that. That I'll never ever see him again. That reality hurts so, so much.

He was the biggest sweetheart, so amazing with the kids, he loved everyone he met, he went so many places with us - exploring L.A., hiking all over, Yosemite in the snow, to the family ranch in Ojai many times, on road trips all over Southern California. He lived at both our first house and this current one, at my parent's house in the very beginning and in between houses. He let me dress him up for every holiday. He loved to kiss faces, especially Nick's, all over. He was there through all of our infertility struggles, he was there when we brought both babies home from the hospital, he was there for every part of our lives, the good, the bad, the ugly. All of it. Gosh I miss him. 

This pain truly feels unbearable and I feel like I will never surface from this drowning feeling. It's terrible. It's a blessing in disguise that Grayson (and obviously Cora) cannot fully understand what has happened. We have told him several times that he is gone, that he has died. But he doesn't get it. He asks periodically where he is. And my heart breaks a little more. The empty space where he used to sleep looks so large and empty without his 200 lbs there. Every time I look at where his bed used to be or where he used to lay outside or where he used to drink his water, I get that painful pit in my stomach. I catch myself going to let him outside or check on him in the yard, but he's not there. I even think I see him out of the corner of my eye but it's never him.

We love you so much Apollo. We will never forget you and we will never stop missing you. You were the best dog ever.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I wrote this post back in early January, only days after we lost him. Things are better now. I don't cry as often and the pain is not unbearable anymore. But I still think of him daily and miss him SO MUCH :( Grayson still asks where Apollo is every once in a while and my heart breaks all over again.

xoxo,
Megan

Cora - Month Nine and Ten

Cora at 10 months {this is sooooo late, she was 10 months old on Nov 23rd}.....

• My sweet girl! She is such a love and always happy, smiling and laughing. She is becoming more and more independent, not wanting to be held as much, and she's always ready to play when I drop her off at preschool. She loves carrying toys and books around with her. She LOVES music and dancing. Any song will get her going. It must be a second child thing plus a not-so-girly Mom who doesn't know what to buy for a girl, but she really doesn't have many of her own toys. She happily plays with all of G's hand-me-downs. We did get her some of her own things for Christmas so we'll see if she has any favorites then.

• The biggest thing that happened? She started walking!!!! She had been taking one or two steps to us and then Nov. 24th, while we were in Ojai for Thanksgiving, she started taking more steps on her own. Now she is walking everywhere! It's even become her preferred method of getting somewhere. I love seeing her cruising around, squealing with delight over her new skill.

• She enjoys her time at school and the teachers told me the other day that she is always so happy and such a joy in the class. That made my Mama heart swell. 

• At her 9 month check-up on October 23rd, she was 18 lbs 8 oz (50%), 27 inches long (25%) and her head was 44 1/2 cm (73%). She had her booster flu shot a couple weeks ago and weighed 19 lbs 10 oz. She's growing so fast!

• She LOVES food! Just like her brother. She eats everything we give her. She is also using a sippy cup for water and doing really well with it, so I am going to start giving her formula in it to practice. Next month I will start weaning her onto cow's milk. I've also started giving her a fork and spoon to practice feeding herself.

She loves to put that foot up when she eats

• She naps well at home and less at school. She can do 2 to 3 hours at home, but only naps 45 minutes at school. She is so exhausted at the end of school days. Her nighttime sleep can be great, straight through from 8 pm to 7 am on most days. Finally! She still has some nights that she wakes up once, but it's been much better lately. 

• She still has eight teeth, but I can tell more are on their way. She chews on everything and is drooling tons.

• She still absolutely adores her brother. If he smiles at her or talks to her, she starts giggling and waving her hands around. He is already becoming her little protector, singing to her when she is upset (pat-a-cake or peek-a-boo) and sharing toys with her to keep her busy. He also plays "chase" with her with the walker toys. He can be so sweet with her, guiding her all around the house when she gets stuck. And then there are times when he is too rough or takes everything away from her and she gets upset. Siblings. 

Can I just say how much fun it is through the holidays with these two?!?! I couldn't be more grateful to be at this point, raising these sweet babies of mine. They are my everything. There are days that feel so long, but the next minute I remember how soon it will be that they no longer need me to kiss them when they cry and help them put their shoes on and wash their hair. It's then that I slow down and let the frustrations go and enjoy all of the moments, even the hard ones. What a bittersweet thing it is to be a parent. So many joys and yet my heart hurts at the same time, thinking of them grown up. I have to force myself to live in the present.

Happy Holidays and New Year to all! I'll probably post again for her first birthday. OMG, she's turning ONE next month! Hold me.

xoxo,
Megan

Cora - Month Seven and Eight

8 months

7 months

Cora at 8 months.....

• She is such a good baby! She is still attached to Mama, but much less so these days. She is fine with others holding her and she doesn't wail every time she sees me walk past her. She always wants to move and go and explore! Just like her brother! She is still very happy and is beginning to "talk" more and more. First word: Dada!! G's first word was Mama so I was so happy she did that for her Daddy. She just started saying it on 9/18, so just before 8 months. She loves to swing her arms around when she is happy/excited. And that's mostly when she is watching her brother. Boy, does she love him!

• She continues to do well at school. I love that our Montessori starts the babies off young with their methods. The teachers always leave comments on her daily that say she makes the other kids happy with all her smiles - melts my heart :) 

• We don't go back to the doctor again until she is 9 months old (October), but she is a solid girl! She is getting heavier and heavier to carry. I switched out the infant bucket seat with a new Britax convertible. She is wearing 6 - 12 month and 12 month clothing and has been in a size 3 diaper for a while now. Breastfeeding... I nurse her once or twice a day during the week, and more on the weeekends. As usual, I was freaking out about my decline in supply, knowing that I wouldn't need to supplement with formula if I wasn't working and so insanely busy, stuck in meetings all the time, etc. But then I realized that it is what it is. I just don't have much choice. I would be sacrificing sleep and time with my kids to add in pump sessions where I could and it wasn't worth it to me. I wish the US had year-long maternity leaves like some other countries. In the end, she is happy and healthy and that's what matters most.

• She loves food! She is eating everything now. She has had eggs, waffles, pancakes, oatmeal, toast, blueberries, bananas, watermelon, applesauce, noodles, crackers, chicken, steak, rib meat, salmon, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, avocados, guacamole, broccoli, cauliflower, artichokes, carrots, puffs, cheerios and every pureed fruit and veggie that I've found in the organic pouches. 

• She doesn't nap much at all, sometimes only 30 minutes all day, especially at school. I think her average nap on the weekdays is just one hour. She sleeps better at night on those days. She had been waking up between 3 and 5 am and I was nursing her and then putting her back down. This week I decided to try and wean her off of that. Instead I pop her pacifier in and she falls back to sleep. We will see how it goes. So far, so good. I am not a huge fan of "sleep training", I just try to do what feels right. This week she slept through a couple of nights, so sleep is getting better.

• She is still super strong and her teachers are very impressed with her abilities and determination!  She is crawling everywhere now and fast. She pulls up with ease and just this past week (9/18) she started pushing her walker around to take steps. Her teachers also told me she has been standing on her own (not holding anything) this week. I am pretty sure she is going to be walking by month nine or ten. She loves her toys; favorites are the slinky, paper (which lasts a couple seconds before she eats it, ha!), taggies owl, her teethers, any of G's toy cars that she can roll around, and standing at her music table. Everything goes into her mouth right now - that's especially fun when Grayson plays with teeny tiny Lego pieces all day long. She has four teeth on the top and three on the bottom, with more on the way! So many teeth already.

• She looooves her brother. Just completely adores him and thinks he is the greatest and most fun person ever. He always makes her smile and laugh, and talks to her non-stop. He is an amazing big brother. He enjoys giving her kisses and is always saying "it's okay" when she cries. It melts my heart. I love watching their relationship grow. They have started playing together too. It's adorable!!!!

• She still loves the water. She kicks her legs non-stop when she takes a bath or when we go in the pool. She takes her baths with brother in the big tub and loves it! She really likes being outside and it seems to put her at peace so quickly. She enjoys the swings, looking at herself in her play mirror, chomping on her teethers, watching the kitties and Apollo, peek-a-boo, patty cake, reading stories, playing with her brother with whatever he is doing, hanging out in the stroller or Tula, and exploring everything around her. 

We just love our sweet girl so much. She really balances our family and I get so much joy watching her and her brother grow up together. My mama heart is so full and happy.