The medications have arrived!

Here they are!!!!

It's beginning to feel real. We are doing IVF. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend Infertility Inferschmility. The author turned her blog into a book and it's been so helpful to follow along her IVF cycle while preparing for ours. Plus, she is hilarious.

I feel out of place, in a way. My journey feels backwards and I don't know where to fit in in the IF world. I have a child, and we were able to get pregnant with him with an IUI and injects. We thought what worked before could work again, but after four IUI's, it didn't. I also didn't end up as one of those who gets a surprise after treatments. We are now moving onto the "end of the road" option, as far as fertility treatments go. I know of a few other IF ladies who have ended up in this same position, but not many of them. I feel like an outcast, ha! I am also unexplained so we don't know why things aren't working. I am guessing that we may know more once we look at how our embryos do after fertilization. 

We are waiting for my cycle to start and off we go! It should be here in the next week or so. I never know exactly when anymore, since I've been on and off treatments and that messes with my cycle length. I am excited to hopefully be on our way to baby #2 and terrified at what these meds will do to me. I already warned Nick ;) 

I have to end this post with our little man. He makes our lives so happy and reminds me, every day, why I am putting myself through all of this. 

xoxo,

Megan

Migraine Update

I just counted my T.oradol pills. I had 50 to start when I filled my prescription, 23 days ago. I just took my eighth one!! Wowza. I thought it seemed like I have been having these migraines more often and I was right. And I hate it. Yes, my new med combination takes the edge off, but I hate taking so much of it. I just want to feel good and healthy. I can't tell you how much this pain wears on me.

My hormones must be especially out of whack because last cycle was a treatment cycle with lots of different hormones injected into me, and now I'm off of everything. 

I am terrified for the IVF meds. Everyone talks about the Lupron headaches. Wonderful. The only saving grace is that Dr. A said I can take any medications I need during the prep and stimming phase of the cycle.

Is it sad that I am REALLY looking forward to menopause and the hopeful end of these horrible headaches?!?!

I am going to read my new IF book, Infertility Inferschmility, which is really good so far, and hope this migraine eases up soon.

xoxo,

Megan

IVF Consult

Yesterday was our consultation with Dr. A, our RE. Can I just say how happy I am that he is our doctor?! He is great, and I don't say that about many of my doctors. We discussed our options first. He said that we could continue trying IUI's, but that he isn't fond of that option because we have done four already without luck. He also talked about doing a laparoscopy to look for any possible endometriosis or adhesions that can happen from a previous surgery, ie: my c-section. I wasn't fond of this option because I feel it is intrusive and we might still have to do IVF on top of it. His third recommendation was moving onto IVF. We talked and asked a bunch of questions, weighed the pros and cons, looked at our finances and decided that IVF was our best option.

I will start Aygestin for a week, then Lupron to suppress my ovaries {think menopause symptoms - eek}, then add in stims after a week, trigger ovulation like I did with my IUI's and then I have an egg retrieval under a light anesthetic. The eggs will be fertilized and Dr. A watches the embryos grow until day 5 or 6, then they take some cells from those embryos and do PGS {Preimplantation Genetic Screening} on them. PGS will tell us which ones have normal chromosomes, and even the gender. That was pretty crazy to think about knowing that early on! The embyros will be frozen while we wait for the PGS results. About two weeks later, I should have a period and then start the process for a FET {Frozen Embryo Transfer} I will take estrogen to get my lining ready and then transfer the best embryo we have. Dr. A said he usually transfers just one when doing PGS. He compares an IUI success rate of 15-20% to 85% with IVF + PGS. I am just hoping that I respond well and get a good number of good quality eggs.

I am hopeful, terrified and anxious all at the same time. I think the only part I am really worried about is the retrieval because of the anesthetic. I have been under a light {twilight} anesthetic before and it didn't go well. Hopefully this time is different. And of course it is scary that this is our last chance for a biological sibling. I don't think we will do another fresh IVF, so fingers crossed for this one. It still feels so surreal to be at this point for baby #2. I would have never guessed that what worked for baby #1 wouldn't work for #2.

xoxo,

Megan

Going Private

It looks like it's time to make my blog private. I enjoy sharing photos and videos, but it appears that I am exposing our stuff too much and causing issues for our photo share site. If you wish to continue reading my blog, please send me an email with your email address so I can give you access. My email address is over on the right side under Contact Me. I will give everyone a few days before changing it to private. Thank you for understanding!

xoxo,

Megan

Peace

This break has been so nice. I am not worrying about my response or wondering if this cycle will work. I am looking forward to our consult, but for now I feel at peace. I also discovered that my new migraine meds combination helps take the edge off the pain and eliminates the nausea. Yesterday afternoon brought on a sudden migraine with a great deal of nausea, and my new combo helped a lot. So much so that by bedtime, I was able to eat something. Yay.

Our little man has been making us laugh so much lately, it's impossible not to be happy. His vocabulary is exploding and watching his personality emerge has been so much fun.

xoxo,
Megan

Crushed

IUI #4 didn't work. We are crushed. On top of that, I have been suffering with migraines the past four days, plus something messed up my stomach. I couldn't eat, I wasn't sleeping, I've been on pain meds and anti-nausea meds for several days. It's been pure hell. I'm not 100% for my husband or for my son. A failed cycle is so much more than just not being pregnant, for me. It's much more misery than just the heartbreak and some period cramps. Infertility can go f*^k off.

We have a consult with Dr. A on February 27th to discuss what to do next.


IUI #4 details:

January 2014 - IUI #4 + Follistim
CD3 - CD5: 125iu Follistim
CD6 - CD7: 150iu Follistim
CD8 - CD9: 125iu Follistim

CD1 1/16/14
CD3 baseline u/s
CD6 u/s and b/w = all follicles 10mm and under, E2 = 79
CD8 u/s and b/w = nothing on the left / 16 and 17on the right, lining = 7.5, E2 = 232
CD10 u/s = 25, 24, 20, 18 and 17 on the right, lining = 9.2mm. hCG trigger shot. 
CD11 IUI 4.1 = 55 million post wash sperm count
CD12 IUI 4.2 = 35 million post wash sperm count
7dpiui Progesterone b/w = 17

18 Months

Breakfast at Waffleholic Cafe

A year and a half already... cue tears! My little man is so grown up.

Milestones...

• He is SO helpful! He wants to help Daddy and I do everything, and we encourage him to. He takes his diaper trash down the stairs and out to the garbage can on his own. He throws trash away by himself. He puts his toys away when we are done playing. He hands Nick tools when he is working on things. I can tell that keeping him involved with things we are doing makes him very happy.
• Everything in his world is assigned to someone. He points at Nick's car and says Dada. He grabs my shoes, hands them to me and says Mama. He points to Apollo's dog food and makes his dog noise "arf arf". And so on. 

Playing with his sticker books at his table

• He sure loves his Mom and Dad. When Dad is gone, he asks for him constantly. Same thing when I'm gone. He has been extra affectionate lately, wanting to sit in my lap and cuddle, and giving us hugs and kisses all the time. I hope this lasts forever! I just love how sweet my little man is. 
• I rarely use a stroller anymore. I really only bring it when we go to Disneyland or somewhere for the whole day and he needs a place to nap. Otherwise, he is walking wherever we go. He moves non-stop!

A very rare nap on Mom

• He feeds himself with a fork and spoon really well now. He is still a pretty good eater, but he definitely has his favorites. He hums when he eats, which everyone comments on. I think he just thoroughly enjoys his food. His favorites right now are: broccoli, bananas, BBQ chicken, pasta, salmon, and raspberries. He drinks whole milk and water.
• He loves: dancing! {my favorite of his loves}, putting bowls or blankets over his head and walking around, bumping into everything, his etch-a-sketch, his cozy coupe, going on walks on his trike, his sticker books, building blocks, coloring with his crayons, dogs and cats, and really any animal at all, anything outside with dirt, sticks, and rocks, and oh-my-gosh water!!!! Any form, anywhere, he wants to be in it, touch it, put his face in it... so much like his Mama :) 

A quick break on our bike ride

• He can throw a good tantrum now. We definitely pick our battles and that seems to minimize the meltdowns. Just like us, he can have a great day one day and a bad day another. When he is having a bad day, I have found that it helps immensely if I get down to his level. It seems to make all the difference for him. When Nick is out of town for work, I spend all my time with him on the floor. It can make dinner tricky, but we make it work.
• He sleeps really well. He goes to bed at 8pm and we wake him up at 7:15am for school. On the weekends, he will sleep in until 8 or 8:30. He takes one nap from noon to 2pm. We got very lucky with a good sleeper.
• He says: Mama, Dada, Nana, bye, hi, duck, more, ball, bat, banana, milk, light, Norman, Beeg {both the kitty's names}, Matt {our friend's name... he is always at our house}. He uses his sign language too. He signs "more", "all done", "food", "milk", "tired", "thank you", "please", "help me". His language seems to be picking up lately. We watched the State of the Union on Tuesday and I told him we were watching our president Obama. He repeated "Obama" a few times.

Shopping at Home Depot

• He has twelve teeth, and four more molars peeking through. He now brushes his own teeth at the sink with his little toothbrush. It was time to retire the little rubber finger one I was using... those chompers bit down on my finger too many times. Ouch.
• He still loves "school" and is moving to the next classroom {18 months - 30 months} on February 3rd. He has been transitioning over the past three weeks and he loves it! It is definitely bittersweet for me. I will miss his wonderful teacher and his classmates. However, we love his new teacher and he will be with older kids, doing more structured learning, sleeping on a cot, playing outside more... all good things! 

Breakfast time

His stats:

• He is wearing 2T. 
• He is wearing size 5 diapers.
• He weighed in at 27 lbs {85% percentile}, measured 32.5 inches tall {55% percentile} and his head circumference was 48.5cm {75% percentile}
• His doctor was so happy with how he is developing. He had a perfect appointment and we were very proud parents :) He had just one last vaccine and won't need any others until he is 4 years old! Woot!

18 month appointment

Nick and I are just smitten with our little man. We couldn't be happier. He is our everything.

xoxo,

Megan